Thousands of children are tortured and raped repeatedly in private run juvenile prisons...let's keep this in mind.


Women, need to realize, that the fastest growing population of the Prison SEX RAPE SLAVERY businesses is in fact, WOMEN. That includes, WOMEN JAILED FOR SELF DEFENSE WHICH IN THIS NATION, SISTER, WE DON'T HAVE A RIGHT TOO, we are not MEN nor ANIMAL, women get 50 to Life for Self Defense, against rape, abuse, repeated abuse and torture. Even for not dying while getting beat near to death, a man can kill or torture a child, and the WOMAN-MOTHER will be the one who gets the longer time in prison [if he even gets charged], AND IF the woman gets sentenced with mental health--she can expect to be Lobotomized by force.



Tossed To and Fro Like a Boat on the Sea, Why it's Impossible to Receive from Our Lord when In that Place

Notes from the Wilderness

OR, when our Eyes are focused, on intimate ones around us who are always unstable, maybe not serving God or hostile to God, maybe they are psychotic, or abusive...and maybe we simply cannot 'escape' just yet--it's very difficult to Believe God, to Receive from God, in these situations [be they temporary or long term or in some cases permanent].

Often the focus then becomes on the Person/or persons, or the circumstances that causes us to yes, be tossed to and fro, often it can be our own past, what WE tend to draw upon to sort through and to define Who God is.  Some things, well, without going into preaching/teaching here--I'd rather just share some things and let the Holy Spirit do the rest,

one thing I had always thought was that being tossed to and fro was like in a sideways motion, and that the verse in James means, that if one minute you doubt, the next you have faith, that was being tossed to and fro.  But I don't think that is what that, let's take the verse first--as a foundation here, James 1:6, KJV
"But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed."

OK so I'm thinking on this, now it concludes that this man/or woman to not think they'll receive anything of the Lord, when they are like this...and taken literally that seems like it's saying, that unless one is absolutely positive that they'll get what they request from God--they won't.  That one's faith has to be this strong iron will, but thing is, we Do have doubts.  Doubts of what though?  Doubts of God, Doubts of God's Will, maybe Doubt of His Love?

So I'm thinking on this and I see a ship--again, we think, reading this scripture that it's like a ship going back and forth, in a rocking motion--but lets look, at what a ship Really does, in a sea when it's tossed to and fro. Pay attention to the waves too,

Now, imagine your self, on the Deck of this ship, with your hands out--and God trying to Hand you something,

Well, we can see from the videos that this being tossed to and fro is not a sideways motion, like back and forth sideways, but more of an Up and Down motion, Highs and Lows, oh yea, EMOTIONS that guide us, rather than our Faith--faith is what? Substance. Substance of What? THINGS HOPED FOR. That means, that depending on our EMOTIONS our faith, may not want the same things maybe? There is a lack of Consistency there, one minute, Weeee we are all high and love God, the next, we are all low and well, God just get me relief or what have you--

and what does James say, let them not think they'll get Anything from our Lord. NOT that God doesn't want to give them/us/me Himself, no, but that our emotions, our motives, are not seeking HIM, to have HIM or HIS WILL in that up and down, not only that, even if God wanted to hand us something, ever tried to Catch something, while jumping up and down? Like on that ship? Do you think, if you threw a package, lets say a care package to someone on the deck of that ship, would they be able to catch it?

Hell no, they'd be too busy, doing what? Hanging on to the rails of the deck to keep from getting tossed over.

The thing about being tossed to and fro is that our Focus then becomes not on God, but on hanging on, on surviving, on not drowning. Is there anything wrong with that? I don't think so, but I think, by my experience, is that when our focus [or our focus is drawn by someone else, lets say, an abusive husband] or cares of this life, etc., draws us away, from God, and onto surviving, we lose something, we lose faith, but more than that,

I think, we lose vision, clarity, of who, Who God really is. And then, we can't receive anything because one minute we believe, the next we don't, the next we do, and all the while, God is there, saying, if you'd just be still and Focus on ME.

But what if, lets say, we Do focus on Him and that storm, keeps a going and yes, we are perishing. Then what?

Well, hmmm, then it gets a tad interesting doesn't it, this is where it gets a tad nasty, or at least I think, because often times yes, we can perish, our souls can be scarred, precious lives lost, time lost, things don't always work out the way we would desire them too. There are those storms that we don't have control over nor do we like the way it seems that God is controlling them--but Controlling them, He is, a hard fact to swallow for those of us who have lives where abusers have had control. But lets look at something else, about ships on the sea,

Mark 4:36-41 And when they had sent away the multitude, they took him even as he was in the ship. And there were also with him other little ships. 4:37 And there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat into the ship, so that it was now full. 4:38 And he was in the hinder part of the ship, asleep on a pillow: and they awake him, and say unto him, Master, carest thou not that we perish? 4:39 And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. 4:40 And he said unto them, Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith? 4:41 And they feared exceedingly, and said one to another, What manner of man is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him? 

Often the focus on this verse is that Jesus rebuked the winds and all was calm, but is that all it's saying?  Who was in control?  Jesus, the Lord God, so number one, HE is in control, so in the storms of life God is yes, in control--it may not always Seem that way especially when Yes, the reality of Evil is just that, Reality, and one cannot simply wish it away, and Yes, that Evil is killing, doing damage, and yes, we may or ARE perishing.  

For me, the problem I had with religion is that there was this like, this utopia belief that one doesn't perish or suffer real loss that Cannot be restored, if they simply just believe in God... OR, worse, those that are the fatalists and that well, pretty much, God is in control, and by golly if you're a woman, suffer witch and Die, that kind of very prevalent attitude because you see the Baal worshipers Enjoy seeing women and children bleed and die [another topic, another time]  and so God has been neatly painted as being the Ultimate Destroyer of Women.  AND if you've suffered abuse/be it child or spousal then regardless of how much Bible you may know, especially if you currently are living with abuse, it's not so easy to Shake those beliefs off.  At least, not for me, and so it is yes, like being a ship on a stormy sea,

because one minute you might Think you know who God really is, UP, and Up, the next, you don't, you only see the dark slams of waves and the pit of the abyss and then it's Down and Down and well, maybe even Down to the GRAVE...a bottomless pit that you know once you're in, that's it, you ain't coming out.  

So, for me, out in this wilderness, to See and to have Faith, is to KNOW who God really is, when Jesus said, oh ye of little faith--He's saying, you don't know me.  And the thing is, we Don't, we really don't [or maybe you do, I don't, I'm still finding out], and then, what I was shocked to find out--that maybe, well maybe the key is,

on that stormy sea, is to just let go of the rail.  And to just say, fine--who are You God, and what is it You want?  And if I perish--I perish.

And then, a funny thing happens, or at least, for me--the storm didn't necessarily end, maybe not physically, but internally it did.  Because I was not in that place anymore--not only that--I was being taught, to focus, not on the waves or the rail or the winds, but on Him.  Only on Him...and that no matter what happens,

He is in control.  Then, funny thing is, there was a presence that was holding on to both me and the rail, or maybe, He takes over the helm of the ship and drives it out of the storm or maybe, He rebukes the winds and seas and all is calm or maybe, I perish--and find myself in His arms, in a much better place.

But, the one thing I do know, is that yes, God is, in control--this does not mean He is in the detailed control of evil--people have free wills, James also says God cannot tempt us with evil, doesn't mean God won't allow evil, but that God Himself, does not do evil.  So it's not a fatalist thing, I don't could be, I suppose if one was determined to rebel and reject God, but then, when one learns Who God really is [not who men say He is] then you begin to see, that God has a bigger purpose,

that on that ship--there is a destination, funny thing is, when in the storm, maybe in a lot of storms, we forget, all about the destination.  But God does not.  He never forgets...

Oh ye of little faith.

I don't know all the reasons, or answers, I don't know all the solutions or comforts, and I don't know if I'll ever get to a place where I never go through the ups and downs, I'm sure, life being what it is, those waves, will always be there--but maybe, what I do know, because I am learning, slowly is that I don't have to look down at the abyss nor up at the height of the waves,

but straight ahead, or above, or in my heart, in that secret place, and know, He is there, and He says, Peace, be Still...and that, that is when, We receive, from our Lord.  What, well that depends on Him, 

being tossed to and fro, can be in many things, worry, fret, doubt, vision, our lives, being faithful/not consistent, going from ever wind of doctrine--but notice they all have one thing in common,

they don't have a consistency of knowing WHO GOD IS.  And maybe, the more we hang onto the rail, because we don't not only know who God is we don't Trust Him, we then, yea, don't receive anything, because we're going UP and DOWN and UP and DOWN and UP and DOWN.

About the only thing God might be able to get to us, is some sea sickness pills.  OR, not only that--but go back, and look at that second video again, EVEN if, IF, in that place, we Do receive from the Lord--COULD WE KEEP THAT THING?  NO, because the next wave and Whoosh, off the thing goes, doesn't it?  We're on that ship, tossed To and Fro, Up and Down, He tosses us a life raft and the next wave we toss it back to the sea--kind of like, if that life raft was our Faith, how Stable would it really be then?  Not very much--do we Know God, when we are Tossed to and fro then?  NO.

Or maybe, like the boat that was sinking and Jesus asleep, the little boat does sink--did we forget how to swim?  Or maybe He had a life raft?  Or maybe, Maybe, He sends a whale?  Or a plank, who knows--or maybe, we get eaten by sharks and well, maybe it was our time, we don't know do we?  Kind of terrifying really,

and oh we so want the answers and the solutions RIGHT NOW, don't we?  The trial of faith, maybe it's not so much to test whether or not we know God [because obviously we don't right?] or if we love God, as much as it's to Get to Know Him--to K.N.O.W. Him,

and we'll never know Him, if we refuse to get on the ship, or if we hang onto the rail, always going Up and Down, and not obeying or trusting Him.  EASIER said than done--mind you, and I personally don't think we Stop doing this, until the day we die.

If one says they do, I would suspect--confidence in the Flesh, not Faith in God.  Because Faith, is substance of things Hoped for, things NOT seen.  Letting go of the rail, the first thing we think is being slammed to the side or literally thrown off the ship,
or destroyed or just left to


I wonder though, how many perish, hanging onto the rail, from drowning?  From not being strong enough to hold on?  So maybe, it just makes better sense, to let go,

obey whatever He is telling us [you/me, etc] and trust.  And those who like the waves, are working to get us to keep our focus on the waves, UP and DOWN, maybe, the key there is, to keep a consistent focal point--Jesus, the Cross, the Word,

I will follow up on this sometimes this week...for now, leaving it here....what to do, when one in life, is doing all in their power, to keep your focus, on the waves/on them--and your eyes off of God.  Could this be a storm, a repeated storm maybe, for us, to stop looking to men, to stop serving men, and to start, looking towards God, no matter what?  And serve HIM, no matter what?  More on this later...