The Ugly Side of Truth, Reality of Snares that Are Not just Shaken off by throwing out Scripture

[see three posts below, or under labels Search for Truth] ALSO, WARNING, I AM WORKING OUT SOME 'ANGER' ISSUES WITH GOD HERE, SO I AM VENTING, I DON'T ALWAYS 'TAME' MY LANGUAGE, I TEND TO USE THE B.S. TERM, GOD USED THE TERM 'DUNG' BUT I JUST DON'T DO THE WHOLE 'DUNG' THING,

SO, IF YOU ARE OFFENDED AT HONESTY, SHOCKING NOT THE 'GOODIE TWO SHOE IMAGE OF CHRISTIANITY SUSY BUT MORE LIKE THE LOUD MOUTH WAITRESS AT THE TRUCKSTOP WHO SPEAKS HER MIND', well, you might want to skip this post. But, I would ask, that you don't, because the pain and life here, is real, and it's real for THOUSANDS, of women, who live, not the doctrine, the goodie image, that so many in churchianity like to project, and sadly, these women, are discarded, rejected, dismissed, and flat out ignored. This is why, I do not hesitate to speak my mind, even if, it's not Christ like, because it's truth, it's real, it happens. So, ok then...here goes,

Working through these things I deal with inner conflict/anger at things that, I sort of know where they stem from then I sort of don't, until the Holy Spirit reveals to me later while working/thinking another 'thread' that I need to unravel, and it's frustrating because for one, there are so many, and two, they are tied up in today's snares that are like a ball of yarn.  I'm talking about snares, webs that are tied into debt, loads of debt, poverty that will be life long, family dysfunction that if is not healed [children] will lead into another generation and one fact is, yes the sins in My life contributed to all of this,

but what angers me, what boils my blood, is that I know, more and more, how the Fantasies and LIES that I so believed in, so laid so many of my hopes in, that were, yes, LIES OF RELIGION, I'm talking mainstream protestant Christian religion/neo-conservatism right wing bunk] that RUINED my life, I"m not understating this fact, it IS FACT.  IT RUINED MY LIFE.

And that just can't be erased or minimized from someone throwing at me, God will take care of or He will restore or it will all work out or well we suffer for Christ's sake, you know it just don't cut it.  One, reality is just that, reality, and all the cliches in the world, all the 'oh we understand your pain' don't pay the debts, it doesn't undo the snares, snares that Due to dependence that was Taught and Internalized is physics now, logistically Impossible to remove from, because there are no resources, and the thing is, when One who is Poor, Low income believes in those myths, fantasies, lies and patterns her life at a young age on those fallacies, and falls into abuse after abuse and into more poverty, and even if she tries to get out of, once she has children, she's trapped.  Unless she marries into money, she's trapped.  And THAT, that pisses me off more than anything because while I may have 'rebelled' against churchianity, the Internalizations to 'submit' to codependence, being controlled by 'gender guilt' that is patriarchal, molding my existence on male affirmation because I had believed those lies that my SELF WORTH WAS IF I WAS ACCEPTED BY A MAN,

[remember I grew up and lived most my life in the fundie Christian Bible Belt, mostly Baptist/or Pentecostal, redneck, to the hilt, pro-Reagan Bush and all that hoo rah Dobson rah rah Proverbs 31 Super-woman bullshit, sorry is my bitterness showing--BTW, that whole taking Proverbs 31 which she had maidservants and common sense, anyone who can tell uh, Time, can tell that all those jobs are not done in one day, spinning alone was an all day task, ministries who distort Prov 31 today really need to uh, go to the library and pssst, read a history book because they are clueless, on another note, the super woman model, that is much like it is taught today by women haters, can I just say it, LOL, was none other than Stalin and Hitler, either Mutterland or Stalin's Mother Russia's super mom, why she can lift 100 lbs of iron all day, stand in bread lines for two hours, cook, clean, and still uh, sleep with the comrades while starving, LOL, oh yea, why the women called it Double Burden]

and even though, I may have grown into feminism, the consciousness from YEARS OF INTERNALIZATIONS was so deeply ingrained, I still fight them, add that to years of abuse [childhood] and dealing with secular patriarchy [which is also about sexualizing women] and you got one big mess....Unless, one has money/resources, you see this is one reason where Marx-Lenin made so much sense to me [and they were right] is that emancipation movements work Great if one has resources, a.k.a. capital, but for those who do not, they can forget, usually, ever moving OUT of the snares of bondage, not in a system where capital is key to freedom.  For women, this is more so, if she remains single, childless, she can beat it, to a point....

if she is divorced, broken/shattered, dealing with any kind of mental illness, has children, and does NOT have the family income/support or income, education, then it's a whole other ballgame--and Depending on her AGE, if she does NOT become independent from dependence on male patriarchal relationships, she will find herself in one snare after another.....and a woman, cannot break free when she is bound up with SUBMISSION TEACHINGS AND ALL THAT OTHER GARBAGE,

AND DON'T THINK, FOR ONE MINUTE, THE CHURCH WILL BE THERE TO HELP

THEY

WILL

NOT.

And that includes all those Sisters who are so sympathetic, of course, when it's something to GOSSIP ABOUT, or 'talk around at some debate with comp club' [sorry, is my sarcasm showing],

you see this is when reality, comes to shove, this is when the secularists begin to make sense.  This is when Yes VIRGINIA

BIRTH CONTROL MAKES SENSE, MAYBE EVEN ABORTIONS [no I don't personally believe in abortions but my point is, the ends of patriarchal sexuality Do harm women and the pro-abortion folks DO HAVE some valid points, what angers me I think is when those Valid and real points are swept under the rug, because like most things, it's not about concern for women OR children, I have tons to the side bar that Prove that fact, it's about keeping women under the thumb of men, why you won't see patriarchal Christian men MARCHING, DEMANDING END TO RAPE, or DOMESTIC VIOLENCE OR CHILD SLAVERY, you won't even see them rallying around and rebuking brothers who beat their wives, so like, yea, the pro-abortion folks, do have some ugly truths, many don't like to face] , POSTPONING MARRIAGE AND REJECTING THE WHOLE PRISSY PREMA-DONNA SUSY HOMEMAKER WAITING FOR PRINCE CHARMING CHRISTIAN ON A WHITE HORSE TO COME 'RESCUE HER'...

and all that other bullshit churches spew day in and day out.

You see it's NOT just the extremes of patriarchy that do so much harm, it's not just the spiritual abuse that comes in wrapped syndicate type of commune packages, OH no,

it's the whole Package of but God's ways are right and the Bible says man is head and woman is Made to be submissive and receptive with her legs open of course always smiling and Inviting...

that sets up so many women into Lives of SNARES, snares they Can't get out of, snares that If they do dare to get out of and they, God forbid are low income, they will pay like hell because they DARED to question and they DARED to leave that whole nonsense lifestyle, Ozzie and Harriot fantasy and

and many stay [the other ugly truth that sadly even Women don't like to admit to] with abusive jerks because they don't really have a choice, they KNOW they are stuck, financially, at least until the Kids are grown, IF they live that long...or by that time the old coot has gotten too old and so has she and well she's just too TIRED to start all over. And he's tamed down a bit because he just can't slam his fist as easy as he used to...

and don't think this is just a religious problem, oh no, fact is even Corporate women can find themselves ensnared, often times marrying into money can be more dangerous because then HE has the methods of really taking control and making a woman's life literal hell. The more power and money he has, the more apt he is to be able to take the kids and leave her penniless and never seeing them again....Oh yes, happens a lot, and that is to women who Do postpone marriage, who have the careers, who did all the right 'feminist' things.

Well anyway, so like I see so many patterns, and for me, it always comes back to the Lies I believed and WHERE I got so many of those lies. Most yes, from the abuse I grew up with but a lot of the more Powerful lies, influences was actually from religion, the patriarchy, the whole woman submit and by nature you're to be inviting and God made you to be protected,

yea, well I'm real protected all right, like a lot of other women, and many who are homeless, impoverished, many who have turned to the sex industry because they believed in those lies too,

and what just pisses me off so much is the churches, including the Egals, REFUSAL, TO LOOK US IN THE FACES,

AND SEE, THE TRUTH....

THE TRUTH

ABOUT WHAT PATRIARCHY DOES TO WOMEN.

Oh sure, they'll talk about it and sell books [not referring here to women who write/sell books to advise women to LEAVE abuse, I'm talking about those who USE patriarchy as the 'token card of oh we're better than those folks why we ain't so patriarchal as that group' and all that crap or the long diatribes over where patriarchy came from, see how many Lexicons and Concordances I know, like So WHAT, LIKE WHAT DO I CARE WHAT A LOT OF 'DEAD MEN' SAY ABOUT WOMEN BACK IN FRICKIN 900 A.D., OF COURSE THEY WERE PATRIARCHAL YOU MORONS, THEY ALSO BELIEVED THE WORLD WAS FLAT, give me a break], Seriously,

like How in the Fn' hell is that supposed to make me or the rest of us Damaged lives women feel better that YOU know what Father such and such said about Eve back in the day they still thought science inventions were of the Devil, seriously?????

So you're a Theology major, Good for you, Bravo,

knock knock, reality, WE live with the damage, yet when WE talk, you say,

oh, you're just Angry and talking through your Paaaaaaiiiiiiinnnnn and we don't allow that and oh, like

booger off, you know, people like that, I think, SNOOOB

Anyway, LOL,

sometimes it just Feels good to say it, oh my gosh it really does, like to just take off the 'don't talk like that cuzz you Christian' and pull off the pretense bullshit and just SAY IT LIKE IT IS,

I can't do that on many forums, obviously, but I can do that here, and you'll notice, not many religious folks comment here,

Duh, I wonder why?

LOL

Yea you see they don't like to hear Truth, Reality, it messes with that whole illusion they hang onto...

oh it don't glorify the Gospel? I say, WHY NOT? because it's not spewing the rhetoric and dogma, it's blasting away the myths and lies that oh, yea, so many make money off of, and I'm not talking small bills here folks, I'm talking, today's churchianity is big money BUSINESS, hell they got corporations running Mega Churches these days, it's big money,

it's not wonder they don't want Gov taxing, Yea, people would be Shocked I think at the level of corruption...big time Moola,

and yea, Marriage ministries, oh yea honey, just learn how to screw better, that will make it All the better don't ya know?

Yea, bullshit on top of bullshit, as for the Gospel, it's a proof, a MIRACLE, that after having believed in all the Bullshit, lies, myths, along with my own sins, that I still Believe in Jesus,

why is that?

Because churchianity, is not Jesus. Isn't that great! You see Jesus saw through that bullshit too, He even called them on it...He sent out the disciples telling them, do not even wear a second coat. Why is that? Well right after that He said, IF a house receives you stay, if they don't wipe the dust off the feet....

many think, that is only regarding if they receive Jesus, but NOOOOOO,

the don't carry a scrip, purse, wear a second coat, that is key there, IF that house, won't have nothing to Do with you because YOU ARE REALITY, YOU ARE POOR, YOU ARE BROKEN, YOU ARE NOT THE RELIGIOUS IMAGE OF 'GODLY PROSPERITY BY GOODNESS AND MORALITY' and why they don't want to SEE AND DEAL WITH UGLY

TRUTH.

They want to fantasy, the 'cliches', the elites, the upper crust, the IMAGE, anything that CHALLENGES THEIR ILLUSIONS,

those loud mouth women who DARE to push the button so to speak, oh no, they don't Want that,

GASP GASP,

ah well, shucks,

so I'm working out and through all these snares, because facing UP to the so many causes and contributers, I can let go of the myths and lies, and find Truth, find who God really is, and then,

let go.

I may never get out of the snares I'm in, but I can at least, know truth, and love in spite of...

without, having to hold up and hold on, to the illusions,

of patriarchy, churchianity, and exceptional-ism.

and I too, will wipe the dust off my feet, as a witness, against all the lies I once believed, and go on...

if anything, free from, illusions, AND A STRONGER FAITH, IN JESUS, RATHER THAN, MYTHS.

Love,

Jane