The last of this series, on the Grudge, has to do with iniquity that is passed down, through family lines, e.g., abuse, child abuse, incest, behavior traits, etc., whether learned or through DNA [or like the Old Testament, sins passed down], and in particularly, the iniquity of patriarchal and misogyny that is Internalized, Sadomasochism that is caused by, both, in Females. When I began to question God, the Bible, Jesus, the validity of...I had been wresting a lot over Why though I was on fire for Jesus when I was twenty...had fallen away so hard and gotten into worse patterns of abuse/self abuse. Looking back I kept questioning whether or not I was truly ever 'saved'. I do remember, coming to the scriptures on taking up the cross and those dying to self daily and rationalizing that Had to be, dying to selfishness. I remember fighting that a lot, because they were huge triggers for me, having grown up and still having to deal with a parent who literally wished and did not hide, my death as well as my suffering.
So hearing that, was like a huge reinforcement of the parent calling me whore, devil's child, liar, thief, bitch, etc., along with the physical abuse, psychological abuse and sexual abuse. So internally I fought it...I rationalized because then I did not understand NOR was I delivered from the spiritual house of bondage--which was tied into the occult. Occult mind you that was not Satan worship or Pagan but Occult wrapped up in CHRISTIAN RELIGION, in both a Catholic and Protestant--and yes it is in both denominations today and it is all over--and Has been since 300 A.D. [just so you know....and some of us are coming out and Speaking up, especially on the child abuse/ritual abuse and child sacrifices that have been done under Christian Religion [which is not true Christian but Anti-Christ] that are truly occultist--house of bondage, Egypt, is no joke, it's also tied into Babylon but I see it as more being Egyptian than anything--it's also other ancient pagan/cult beliefs, all wrapped up, give you a clue--has been around Since the founding of this nation and is the Backbone of our nation's government--commerce, all of it--read Isaiah, the Hole in the Wall, oh yea...it is no joke, the Illuminati is real, the Eye, the Pyramid, look at your dollar bill, connect the dots, ye shall see--Also, another clue, the DIA airport, the new 'statute' that Obama also made reference to, the god of DEATH of ancient Egypt religion..it's not some NEW thing, oh no, it's been around since Washington D.C. was birthed, to those who have ears let them hear....].
Anyway so I wasn't delivered or free from the iniquity and the whole mess, Not because I didn't want deliverance, no, but I didn't even KNOW at that time, just how deeply entrenched these occult forces were in my family line and on both sides. I was also involved, via ignorance, because I was a new convert, in a false gospel church, that ironically the parent led me into. It was one of those prosperity gospels....
anyway...like Jesus says, the seed is planted, the enemy comes immediately to steal it...because the ground is rock. The seed is planted and when tribulation comes they fall away because they have no root, etc etc etc...I believe I was between both of those but also, with the no root, was some heavy duty Iniquity that was still at work and in my life because I was still being Abused.
What I didn't know then too, was that there was a pattern in my life, from where I was moved to, various towns, that were all connected to the occult in some way, through out my life, the men I met/married that all had in one form or another ties to the occult--until I asked Jesus one day, what is Iniquity?
Something kind of paranormal happened, I had dreams that confirmed and when I say confirmed they had 'key words' that I did research on that all proved and had proof of the links in my life--all of this, backed up by the Word of God, especially the Old Testament because the Old Testament goes into a lot of detail on some of the very things I was being influenced by. While yes Jesus redeems us from the curse of the law, and in Ezekiel God says regarding sin the sins of the individual will be judged, etc., not family lines--so on that part is true--However, those forces are still strong and if there isn't discipleship [and in this apostate age that's kind of a given] and if there is lack of knowledge, people perish, so to speak. Also, due to learned and habitual sins, iniquity if NOT seen/dealt with will be repeated and THOSE SINS open the door to the same forces,
I think this is what Jesus means, by the 'when an unclean spirit leaves a person, the house is clean and decorated, then that same unclean spirit sees and comes back with seven more worse than himself. And the last condition of that person is worse than prior...
that clean/decorated house is a house that is Mentally, assenting to the Gospel but there is no root and especially if there is the legalism then there is that false salvation what I call it and so really, there is maybe [because I'm not sure how this works] a spiritual regeneration but IF it's not followed up with growth, then the flesh takes over---etc. I do believe a believer can fall away to the point of no return--because Jesus says in Revelations, repent or I'll blot your name out of the Book of Life. That proves right there that the 'once saved always saved' is a false gospel---Also Paul says, numerous times, work out your salvation with trembling and fear, grow in the knowledge of the love of God, etc., Peter says If you add this, this, this then you won't stumble or fall, Hebrews talks about if you've had this, this, this [and like all of them] and then fall away it is impossible to renew unto repentance, etc., the Key to that one btw, because the enemy terrified me on this, is the conditions to that--one has to really KNOW God, the Power of God, the Power of the Kingdom, etc., to get to that place...not just some mental assent by a baby Christian.
So I think, looking back and taking a serious evaluation, of my attitudes which were horrid, no love, anger, rage, etc., that I was at that first stage--heard the word with joy then the enemy came...we tend to think that because a person hears and then goes, yea, OK, I accept that THAT is salvation, WRONG....that is just the beginning and that is actually I think the most dangerous time because If there isn't disciple ship and a body that is actually Loving the way Christ commanded, that person, the seed will fall by the wayside. Add iniquity to that, well, you got some problems.
This is why I began to really question a lot because when I SAW just how deceived and ensnared I was I got really angry with God, HOW could you let this happen, I KNOW I wanted to be saved then, etc., but you see I was blind, I had no idea and there was no way I would have known then because I wouldn't have accepted what I know now, I would have rejected the truth because it's kind of way out there....it's not the doctrines of men. So to speak, and why is that, because I will say, that I think the majority of the Western churches are wrapped up in the same type of occult forces and they don't know it, I am of the firm opinion that America is, a type of Egypt, Babylon, maybe even the Whore of Babylon. There are just too many things, that are So contrary to the Word of God and to what Jesus taught. By their fruits ye shall know them....Jesus said, something about did the prophets look as if they were dressed in fine apparel like the kings court, etc.? Something to that regard...[not exact quote] Anyhow--I never read in full the OT until I came to God two years ago (?) and so like, it opened up my eyes to a LOT...and I am very thankful that God inspired me to study the Old Testament--along with the New.
But in that, it also caused a lot of turmoil and conflict because I also saw the Lord God in a whole different light--and so I questioned more. Particularly where Gender is concerned--it has not been an easy journey and it has not been without it's doubts, upheavals, anger, resentment, and skepticism. Anyway to make a long story short here, what happened is that sorting through the misogyny, the translations, the testaments, contrasting Word with Fruit and Reality [esp where the 'church' is concerned], I began to see that not only are the literal interpretations wrong on so many things, but that also we have become very disconnected in ways much like an RA survivor becomes detached or disconnected. Thus, in an ironic way, though I won't say in a positive because at this time I don't see the end of the tunnel so to speak on the detachment---the abuse, particularly the RA, has made it possible to see things in a perspective that is more real--though at times I wish I could make it go away. It is for the things I've seen, that I can't in any shape or form deny the existence of God, that's one, seen to much--and I can't deny the existence of an after life. I also KNOW there is going to be a judgment of our life here on earth...but I do not believe it is what many 'think' it is...
so, in coming to terms with Iniquity, I read King David said the Lord covers iniquity for those who love/obey Him but the Word also says we are to Depart from. If we do not know what Iniquity is, how do we depart from it? Well, what I've gathered thus far, iniquity, as well as inherited sins is also inherited Grudges...these can be national as well as individual. And it is here, that I struggled the most in reconciling Gender and the deliberate misogyny and injustices to women in religion and the Love of God. I still struggle in this and it is one if not the main reason I will no longer have anything to do with modern day religion-churchianity or what I term, Mensianity. Now if that changes, which I don't believe it will because we are near the end...then maybe, but I doubt it.
So, I've learned or am learning to listen...as well as question, it's not been a joy ride nor has it been one of blind faith, there has been times, I nearly dumped the entire thing altogether...that's one of the downsides of skepticism but then, the Good that comes from that, is in processing all of this I've also had to see the real truth about myself, iniquity and sin and excuses and the whole nasty mess. A man once told me, You have to find your own path...now Christians tend to reject that because it sounds like the 'God is inside you' type of New Age belief but that isn't what this man meant,
he was referring to, your walk in Christ. Being transformed and I do believe, at least for myself, this has been true, that yes, you have to find and walk your own path, your own cross, your own relationship with Jesus Christ. Mine in no way looks or reads like what you typically would hear/see, that has been hard for me because it causes so much doubt. Is it heresy? This is where heavily reading but not just reading, but meditating on the Word, is so vital. Abide in my Word, abide in Me--see the thing about that seed, is the fourth, it says, those with a good and honest heart [honest meaning getting to place of open revealing, end the hiding, excusing, and hiding the doubts], and that KEEP THE WORD, will IN TIME, bear much fruit.
I was out last night, pondering on a lot of doubts I have been throwing at God and looking at a tree, I noticed, that a tree does not grow from just the ground, but it grows Roots first...the tree of knowledge of good and evil grows the roots--then upwards, same with the Tree of Life...if you look at the Crucifixion, when the cross was put into the ground, representative of a tree, the roots, then go downward and out. After Jesus died, there was an earthquake...if you were to look at a tree and slow down time or speed time up? and see how the roots opened up and go down, then you would probably see the earth split apart where the root moves...I think it works this way with us too.
God says in OT to break up the fallow ground and do not plant among thorns... Why is this? Because the seed or plant/vine cannot grow in hard ground [root wise] nor among thorns...so one has to deal with the Thorns and Hard Ground first. There are four seasons...they are repeated every year, for me, I've been in Fall for many years...it's only been these past few years I have taken a real love for Winter. Prior to this Spring I had thought this would be the Spring-Summer that I would begin to bear fruit and be this transformed being...because Winter, is often thought of being a negative thing...
but it didn't take long for me to desire Winter and Ice once more--then today, it dawned on me why.
While winter yes, is a protective means of sheltering a wounded/split heart/soul, a means of hardening just to the point where there can still be Water, Love but also Ice to shield from the elements and from violence.
Then I saw it....of all the religions/patriarchal phallic worship, the one Element, they do not esteem, is
ICE.
And what is interesting is that Ice is Pure, Ice is clear, water....Snow and Ice, reside by, thrive by,
FIRE.
If God is a consuming FIRE, then who is ICE? There is always earth, wind, fire, water...but what about ICE?
THE WOMB, CERVIX, IN LAND OF FIRE & ICE, ICELAND
Love will grow COLD due to Iniquity Jesus said, in the end days, the days like Noah....the elements will burn up with a fervent heat Paul says--we never think, it's ICE....the black sun at the DIA airport, the celebration of sorts [masons/Illuminati] of black sun [that is mentioned in Bible] has been believed to cause this burning up earth--but the Scientific reality is, if the sun is black like in a nuclear winter or a super volcano, then the earth would freeze. Have you ever felt dry ice? It BURNS.....EVERYTHING.
So, who is ICE? In Iceland, where the photo above, it is a land of FIRE AND ICE. It is also a land where there has always been a strong belief in the female aspect of God [or goddess].
With the increasing misogyny/violence towards Women today, there is a hardening, a cold turning, of hearts, but NOT of rock, no, but towards ICE. When there is Ice and Love grows cold, then there is a Burning of elements, and LIFE ends.
The Power of Female, I believe the Female Image part of God, is the ability to be ICE....when SHE has had Enough, of the violence, of the hate, of the butchering of children,
SHE
WILL TURN HER BACK....AND LIKE ICE
THE SUN WILL TURN BLACK, THE EARTH WILL BURN UP WITH A FERVENT HEAT.
With greenhouse gases we know, even by Satellite, that the ozone hole is growing and that the Arctic Circle is melting. Polar Bears have been dying...the temperatures are changing...SHE, ICE, IS DOING HER THING....
the Thing about ICE, is that SERPENTS AND SCORPIONS DO NOT SURVIVE IN ICE.
Winter, is my favorite time of year...has been for these past couple of years, NOW I know why...I will not longer apologize or feel Guilty for the Ice and Snow in my heart towards violence, misogyny, patriarchy, greed, hierarchy and power abuse. Winter contrary to what many Desert dwellers like to say, is NOT death,
Winter, is the time of the arrival, of the Crocus,
the Rose of Sharon.
So, Winter it is....ice, snow, ice-cycles, snowflakes....and Crocus, Rose of Sharon.
A tribute.... to ICE, FIRE AND ICE, THEY DO WELL TOGETHER....BEAUTIFUL.
In solidarity,
Jane
links:
photo of Iceland,
http://www.csmonitor.com/Science/2010/0420/How-an-Iceland-volcano-works-what-Eyjafjallajoekull-might-do-next [no I am not Christian Scientist, just used the photo]
photo of Iceland Glacier
photo of Crocus, under Israel Crocus,
photo of the Womb & Cervix, Iceland [I termed it womb/cervix, it Looks exactly like a cervix at birth]
photo of Iceland, Pink
![HEALING FROM RITUAL AND SPIRITUAL CHILD ABUSE, FEMALE ABUSERS INCLUDED [CLICK PHOTO AND SEE BELOW]](http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_RaqCRK20I9k/S8YugIbo76I/AAAAAAAAAio/4kOqJPQSBC0/S210/fragmented+child.jpg)
![Dedicated to the CREATORS, CREATOR, TO HER AND TO HIM [WHAT I BELIEVE IS GOD]](http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_RaqCRK20I9k/S1uFod8W_PI/AAAAAAAAAQ4/66gVArt9css/S660/Mountains_spitzer_f.jpg)
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