MAY 21--RAPTURE? HOW ABOUT, ONE WOMAN- PERSON FOR ONE WOMAN - PERSON PER DAY? MY NEW LIFE MOTTO-SERIES INTRO

Atacama, Chile The most Barren Desert in the World

When I started this blog, it was Supposed to be about fair trade, coops-unions for women, eco-ethics, etc., and along the way, well that kind of changed.  Well,

sort of,

Spiritually I changed [actually a Beginning of change] a couple of years ago...when I began to question My role and self in relation to the world, that was for starters...that and facing the truth and horrors about the depth of patriarchal misogyny and it's effects, not just on my life, but on my core self and soul.  And through this journey, if one wants to call it that, I've taken many self-reflective and questioning paths, confronting numerous life events and behaviors of others as well as my own--so I've tended to switch back and forth between the religious, feminism, my own life/dealing with RA, and the political.  Then there is the post-trauma of living in poverty and homelessness--that life, one doesn't leave behind I am finding...it becomes YOU, not just a part of you.  Hard to explain and I don't really want to get into it at this time--but that Change you see,

numerous changes, left me in fragments, or rather, with a Prism Lens, that makes it very difficult for me to settle for one view or one group think.  That's it--I don't do the whole group think, in fact not at all.  It's bad enough that I have had to find lost remnants of my very self--a self that was damaged and erased from the Beginning [from birth], and that having been done Deliberately by sick and dysfunctional people--supported by none other than RELIGION AND OCCULT AND POWER HOUSES.

Anyhow, without going into long boo hoo diatribe about my life [because well--hey, it begin to BORE me too], to sum it up--one begins to ponder on a lot--especially when looking or questioning, Who really is God?  I got to the point where I simply couldn't handle Christianese of Any sort--that includes the egals and liberal kind...it's not that I have any complaint against them, it's just that, I'm simply not in that frame of mind and in agreement with them--it's NOT my world,

and you know, maybe it wasn't ever supposed to be.  And I'm OK with that...and I'm getting to the place where I am at peace with the fact that we don't operate in a box...God's planet is Extremely diverse--botany is not a one theme pattern nor is Ecology.  However everything IS CONNECTED--INTERDEPENDENT, yet each with it's own function, gift, and life receiving and life giving relationships.  And I'm at peace now with my choice in indigenous beliefs or Native Indian--though I am finding my own path--however God leads me, this isn't easy because it requires stepping out on Faith--and by that I mean, Faith that isn't being programmed by doctrine of the indoctrinators.  Some call it mysticism, not sure if I would call it that, because it doesn't seem to fit into this mystic or gnostic puzzle, that might have something to do with the feminist lens that I do see through and various other influences, don't care to analyze it anymore.  At least not in the usual OCD way that I do...

anyway--so this whole rapture business comes up, and at first I didn't know what it was because I stopped watching the news a while back--stopped depending on internet news and well, sort of just jumped off the world grid so to speak, to Some degree, I did of course keep in connection to issues effecting women, but everything else I just lost interest.  I have learned a couple of things over this past year, being in the Wilderness so to speak,

one of them is, I can't do a damn thing about the world--in like, changing how the world operates as a whole, because I am N.O.T. 'GOD'.  And while it sucks because as a Woman--who is aware of the increasing holocaust against women, I know...I can only do so much, I do not have the powers of some super hero that can change the minds of millions who Choose to walk in hate and misogyny--and Come to think of it, this is what kind of turned me off to those who Still are adamant about hanging onto a cultist church, even though child abuse and woman hate is rampant, with this idea that if they Just hang in there--one day, a miracle will happen and Poof--hard hearts will change.  What they don't get--is that it's not just about Women--the church has been CORRUPT

SINCE THE DAY OF IT'S ROMAN INCEPTION--300 YEARS AFTER THE DEATH OF CHRIST.

But even more so--was and is the FACT--that the American Church--as a CULTURE, was founded on none other than

BLATANT ROBBERY, THEFT, LYING, AND GENOCIDE.

And they've been COLONIZING THE POOR EVER SINCE--so this SHOCK that hey, all of a sudden WHITE women are feeling the WRATH of the WHITE MALE CHRISTIAN OPPRESSOR,

is just I don't know--it SHOULDN'T BE, SURPRISING...none in the least.  Now I am aware that we are Conditioned to believe a certain way--sure I get that, I'm just as guilty [if not more so] of being deceived as many are today, I get that.  We live in a very deceptive profit driven/power driven culture.  Always have--but there IS enough INFORMATION out there, that WE as A GOVERNMENT don't really have any EXCUSE...so to blatantly deny and choose NOT TO SEE because hey if we did, then we have to Look in the mirror and see how WE--INDIVIDUALS--HAVE CONTRIBUTED OR BENEFITED even if in small way, from the colonizing, corruption, racketeering and blood letting/being in bed with other government terrors and then you see, then there is the QUESTION

DO WE CONTINUE TO SUPPORT-----------OR DO WE CHANGE?

I believe Marx termed it as 'becoming Conscious'.  And so by consciousness--what I have been seeing, is how that my little actions, good and bad, have impact on other's all the other side of the world.  Because this is how ECOLOGY WORKS, this is how LIFE ENERGY WORKS.  


So, anyway...so I am doing something and on our t.v., the small one my daughter sometimes watches [though I do watch the Office, admit I am an addict of that one show], and on the news they are talking about this May 21 thing--which you know, with my RA background triggers in huge way--Blackjack, number 21, talk about running numbers and Bookie work, oh yea--triggered big time, and FEAR,


oh my gosh, fear.  And then that FEAR [because it reminds me of the RA] triggers this rage that is just Boom--eating away, so the OCD hamster wheel gets a rolling and back and forth, love God hate God, it's just a nightmare and when I get into that frame of mind I begin to deconstruct and question and not always in a nice way either....which that later leaves me with Guilt.  And so I find myself having to disconnect even more from all of it [blogs, t.v., electricity, modern things and get quiet, in meditation and prayer] and then of course, THEN all the 'bad things' I've done, begin to grow up, in visions, before me, and I've done some really awful things,


I've lied, a lot, I've stolen [that includes not paying debts], and yea even though I was dirt poor, true, that doesn't justify my evil actions, you know--because it's the SAME DANG FORCE people--


one lie, breaks trust, that brokenness causes another to lie, breaks more trust, and more brokenness and then before you know it, the Connection and life force between us is all shattered like hell and that is what Iniquity is, it's  Cancer, it attacks healthy cells and invades and then one day, it has taken over the entire body.  And then, that body


dies.


So--I've been going through these deconstructs-reconstructs daily with God this past year [and past prior years to that] and seeing more, not just about the world but about myself, how the abuse destroyed me but NOT JUST THAT--how that abuse in destroying me, took me captive and I then was a tool, but also not just a tool, but by nature, began to destroy others.  All it takes is a chipping away, with the power of Words.  But not just that,


for years I screamed about the injustices of politics, power, men...but God would show me things you see, like,


how much Food I have wasted.  Now that might not seem like a big crime--but you know, when you see the life force in ECOLOGY and see how many in our world do STARVE on a daily basis--then YES, it goes beyond just being ungrateful--it is part of that evil life taking vampire force, because it's a force that works and gets it's power out of


BROKENNESS.


So I find myself becoming conscious of these tiny things...things that built up.  And then, the meaning of Love began to pester me more and more--what Did Jesus mean by so much of what He said [or that other's said He said through the passing of folklore.]  Many claim that folklore has no truth or merit, no scientific backing,


I beg to differ, folklore is the learned by experience Wisdom from the elders, the sages, the prophets.  To me, it IS  a science.  Because those before us--LIVED.  They breathed the air, felt the pain, saw good and saw evil, some more than others and they told us, through words, some words were hidden on purpose by power mongers but it always seeps out, like herbs [what modern man calls weeds] through the cement cracks on a sidewalk--eventually truth seeps out.


You can't kill it, and interestingly, it was WOMEN, who passed down much of the folklore, just so you know.  The clay vessels that carry the water, the water taken from the wells--water that has carried generation after generation through trial and tribulations.  KILL WOMAN AND YOU KILL WATER--it's that simple folks.  And it's SCIENCE, it's ECONOMICS, it's LIFE.


NO WATER = SOUL THAT LOOKS LIKE THIS

Atacama, Chile The most Barren Desert in the World

So this whole rapture thing, got me to thinking...about What really IS important.  I do believe that one day, the Lord is coming, but  I don't believe it's in the literal sense of the terms that have been proclaimed.  And I believe it has Far more to do with each of us, in the individual HEART and SOUL, than as groups and nations.  And I find myself questioning, do I change [repent] because of the 'if you don't This horror will happen' and if That is the reason then--how is that Love?  Most of all, how in the world is that heart TRUTH?

It isn't...it's Coercion and eventually it will fall flat, fall away, because there is NO LIFE IN IT.  And you know, that in of itself, is HELL, because it's that brokenness that causes hell on earth,

hell caused by FEAR, LOATHING, CRITICISM, CYNICISM, INDIFFERENCE, APATHY

now Not saying, one walks around in a bubble land fairy PRIVILEGE world either, that isn't LIFE either, that is VAMPIRISM...because it Takes energy to Give LIFE.  That energy has to come from somewhere or SOMEONE...therefore indifference is just the other pole to the whole hell equation.  

And religion falls into those poles...why there is no life in it, no water and lots of hate of woman.

Anyway--so I'm thinking on all these things, even on the question of Eternal Life--would I really want to spend an eternity being lifeless, cynical, and most of all--with others who are the same or worse?  That isn't life--that's just another form of hell--if I can't stand the church culture today I darn sure don't want to spend eternity with them--Question is though,

Why?  And really, if you probe deeper into this, IN TRUTH, when our hearts are broken we don't want to spend eternity with our SELF either.  Broken by loss of CONNECTION.

AND YOU KNOW SOMETHING--THAT IS WHAT I TRULY THINK, HELL REALLY IS, AN ETERNITY WITH 'SELF', A SELF THAT IS DISCONNECTED WITH OTHERS BECAUSE SELF REFUSED TO

LOVE.

It don't matter how much 'Jesus-knowledge' one knows, if there isn't LOVE inside, that is Hell.  And I don't mean love by pretense, you know that whole religious fake ass thing, nor love by hedonism--yea fucking and orgies don't count men, for 'love', romance doesn't count for love either, it falls into the me, me me category and hedonism [that includes the ole marriage under Gawd as man as head puke and woman as sex slave puke] 

and culture don't count for love either, or any other 'ism' for that fact.

So what is love?  I think the answer, is right in front of us...in NATURE.  The eco systems we depend on, each system has a message--if we only took the time to listen, we are CONNECTED, in some way, to the entire Cosmos.  Our actions, choices, have an IMPACT,

not just on each other, but on the entire ECO SYSTEM.  That system that gives humanity

clothes for the naked
water for the thirsty
food for the hungry
healing/balm for the sick, afflicted
rebuke [bee stings, etc] to correct or teach wisdom
justice--what goes around comes around but this is measured also with MERCY to those who are MERCIFUL
etc etc etc etc

so in every thing we do, we have an impact, now there is always evil, what I mean is, what is 'good' for us can be 'evil' to someone else, and vice versa, I'M not talking here about Deliberately doing evil, but about life itself, such as,

let's say, damming or diverting water to farm and downstream that causes another to not have water...there are just some things that I don't think we can prevent, that's probably not a good example but it was one on top of my head here---but you see there is a Huge difference between natural cause and effect,

and then, deliberate cause and effect through INDIFFERENCE, APATHY, RACISM, CLASSISM, SEXISM, ETC., 

and I mention this because I don't think we ever arrive at utopia [not in this world] but we can still become Conscious of our self and our self's relationship to others and to this world and to God and the earth.  This is what the Native Indian and other Indigenous people believed, and still do,

and I think they are absolutely right.  In fact, I believe that IS THE TRUE MESSAGE OF GOD...this is what I believe.  So, I'm thinking on Afghanistan and the world and the horrors and my life and failures and what I've learned--and the end, etc., and how so many were making a mockery of the whole end of world thing [that's the other side of the Evil coin btw, shows a complete arrogance and indifference to our place in the cosmos] and the lack of love due to iniquity and how I, like a tree, could see this rotted corpse,

and then it all began to make sense, and then, in this dark abyss, I asked self, What now?  Do I just continue to go on or do I choose--to choose love?  I do believe one has to make a willful choice, it's not like God comes down and puts a 'spell' on you and you just become some magical fairy being, no,

it becomes a willful choice, you CHOOSE, what to be.  No matter how dark this world is, you CHOOSE, now God helps you, and transforms you once you make that choice, God is Love, but the change, comes on the INSIDE OF YOU, OF ME,

and that seed grows.  You don't just exist, live, you begin to Want to give LIFE to others--because that is what REAL LIFE IS,

giving LIFE, not just consuming life.  And it's not just in works--it's in all we are, do, become, and what I find interesting, is that I've seen people actually living this out, and they aren't always Christians, in fact most of them are not, they are Spiritual, but they are not Christians, in terms of 'labels' and so forth--but they LIVE what CHRIST TAUGHT,

and That, to me, is what the Spirit is.  And so--this series, rather than focus on the ills of the world, I want to focus on life givers, and life giving projects, and not just campaigns but life changes--that have positive LIFE GIVING impact to others, that save lives, show LOVE IN ACTION--and if we were do Do, one small change, daily, as Women, we Do work towards LIFE GIVING

TO OTHER WOMEN ELSEWHERE,

one woman--per day.

IT may not seem like much--but the more Connected we become, healing those broken connections, the more we see or become conscious of that life-love force, but not just become aware of it,

we become a Part of it, and it becomes a Part of us.

And that's what I think the Tree of Life truly is--it does take a death, a death to the old nature, self, corrupt tree, that whole poison and lens, because it becomes other centered [giving life, not objectifying, big difference there] rather than

self centered.

Jesus says..if you've done it to the least of these, you've done it UNTO

ME....

one woman, per day--one small barely hanging on, grass in a barren cold loveless land--desert,

one act = [multiplied, that breaking bread] =

 

Atacama Desert, Chile

next in series--Food, the $2.00 a day project, one woman shares on her blog--and the first accusation/tempting and causing Mistrust/Disconnect, with Woman [the serpent attacks her in garden over FOOD, and has been doing this to Woman ever since--what I am learning, and how it's connected to life elsewhere.

Jane