The COGNITIVE DISSONANCE I ALWAYS HAD AND STILL DO WITH MY WORLD AND WITH THE WORLD OF 'CHRISTIANITY IN THE WEST'

Welcome to MY WORLD....where I was born, D.C., yes lived in the Ghetto Suburbs...not AS bad as this, but close enough...

MY WORLD, except Without the 'fame' and the 'escape out Of' and in fact...most do NOT escape from THIS WORLD...




I still live in THIS WORLD....I still take the BUS, I still see the rubbish, debris, not AS much where I reside--unless I go further down--I Still live in a 'trailer', what we call 'mobile home', though it's now a bit 'upscaled', LOL if you can call it that,

I still live around the language, the cruelty, the hate, the violence, not in the same Degree--but I KNOW it's only a paycheck away to wind up in the spiral downward, just an Inch away--

for Thousands of WOMEN SUCH AS MYSELF 

THIS IS OUR TRUTH, THIS IS OUR REALITY,

there ARE no luncheons, there ARE no Wedding Showers without the outbreak of Crisis and often there are no Wedding or Baby Showers at all---for ME there never was,

there ARE no dances or gowns or honeymoons...

More of My WORLD through out my life--because Poverty does NOT end at the Ghetto or the Inner City, one doesn't Walk away from the Ghetto or Inner City and become POVERTY LESS,

 I've lived in rural 'poor' areas such as this...slept in Cars near areas such as this, hiding out from the Cops, slept in ally ways such as this...grew up Playing in empty buildings such as this, in empty fields...walked these streets, lived these streets, 


worked these jobs, Too many of these jobs, pawned, sold blood/plasma, other 'ways' to survive that I won't get into here,


You'll have to right click to see the video-- oh how I still remember that cash register and the aluminum...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sei-eEjy4g


the dreams, if I WORK HARD ENOUGH, SAVE ENOUGH, I TOO CAN HAVE THE CAR, CLOTHES, HOUSE...LOL, OH YEA....THE 'AMERICAN DREAM' 


LIE


lol I've even worked in those 'convenience' stores, oh yea


THIS IS MY WORLD....THE ONLY WORLD I'VE KNOWN,

Baby I remember when I DREAMED of living in a place like this, when I was on the Streets--pushing my girls in a stroller, with the Food Stamps and the AFDC, fighting the street Volvos rich bitches who could SEE me walking across the street but would drive across anyway forcing me to Run with my babies across to keep from getting run over, while their indifferent cold blank stares at me in their disgust...Oh yea I haven't forgotten, those 'others', those Better than, those Holier than, those Chosen Ones...

Yea Eminem did ya Tell them the Reason all us Ho's are Whores in the Hood, in the Ruins of Babylon, did ya bother to Tell them....that no matter if virgin or young or old we Women were all Whores, Hos, Bitches--let's play it again Shall we...





Did ya tell them that OUR only way OUT if there IS an OUT was through the men who with their smooth talking caressing promises if Only we spread for them because they promised us the Moon, the Stars, the Dreams, the Home with the Fence...did ya tell them how they walked off saying 'it's not ours you Ho' and left us to collect the welfare and the food stamps and the wic and the begging and the degrading and the SHAME

did ya Tell them that part?

Did ya know what WE thought, what WE dreamed, what WE thought....when they Told us God would Save us, Women, that WE could be like Those Chosen...funny the Chosen didn't want us near them either, funny how the 'how it Should be, how it IS for so many of those Chosen, those Good Girls--how it was only a Fantasy for us...'





Oh how we dreamed...but not in no high end Loft, how we dreamed, those scenes in that 13 inch box we would escape Into, oh how the Chosen promised us, if we JUST BELIEVED ENOUGH, JUST PRAYED ENOUGH...GOD WOULD SEND US 'THE MAN' TO SAVE US,

LOL

BUT THE TRUTH IS, THESE WERE THE MEN WE KNEW, THESE WERE THE HOMES WE KNEW, THESE WERE THE 'TRUTHS' THAT 'WE' WOMEN' COULDN'T GET AWAY FROM, EVEN WITH THE 'JOBS' AND THE 'EDUCATION' IF WE COULD GET THE LOANS TO GO--WHICH ONLY PUT US INTO WORSE DEBT...POVERTY, SOME FOR A  LIFETIME OF INDENTURED SERVITUDE ALWAYS WORKING FOR THOSE 'CHOSEN' 'GOOD ONES'

MY WORLD--THAT'S RIGHT BABY, THIS WAS AND STILL IS, IN MANY WAYS, MY WORLD--THOUGH I DIDN'T WAKE UP IN MY 'OWN NICE HOME' NOR WAS I A DRINKER...NOR DRUGGIE, YOU SEE WHEN IT'S SURVIVAL, IT DON'T 'NEED' ALCOHOL OR DRUGS, THOUGH FOR MANY THAT IS THE MEDS TO DEAL WITH THE REALITY OF TRUTH THEY LIVE WITH--THE BEAUTY OF THAT FANTASY 'LUV' IN POVERTY, THE 'LUV AS MEANS TO 'ESCAPE'...





So I deal with the COGNITIVE DISSONANCE with what I know, feel, breathe, feel,

when I read/hear those Chosen Women, and I wonder, do they know, do they EVEN know?  When I read the debates between the whole comps/egals and I laugh in my WORLD thinking 

THEY HAVE NOT A FUCKING CLUE TO WHAT LIFE IS...TO WHAT THE REAL WORLD IS, THEY ARE SO DAMN DISCONNECTED FROM 'REALITY' IN THEIR IVORY TOWERS AND SAFETY 'BUBBLES'

yet they KNOW GOD they say....WHAT GOD?  WHO IS THIS GOD THEY KNOW,

cuzz it AIN'T THE SAME GOD, I KNOW, IT AIN'T THE SAME JESUS I KNOW, 

 yea the Jesus I know ain't talking about gender and whether or not Christians men should spank their wives 100 times to make her 'obey', na the Jesus I know ain't sitting around talking that shit

even if HE did no one would wince, probably just Laugh--then Scream...cuzz you see the Jesus I know, is there in front of those long ass lines where those without Teeth and those with the arm scars and those with the pelvic inflammatory disease and those with the blood shot eyes and those broken fragment minds with the screams of war ringing in their head are waiting for a Meal, a Bed,

a Shoulder to Cry on....they ain't waiting on no Heavenly Deliverance because they already IN HELL, they just looking TO SURVIVE--ONE MORE DAMN DAY,

I still remember those long ass lines, food banks--food hand outs, Hear the Gospel and seeing the little toddlers with hands turning Blue from frostbite while they wait on a Baloney sandwich--that is one memory I will NEVER FORGET, that little child with the blue hands because the Asshole just Had to preach for a hour while so many stood in line, many of them who WORKED, to get a lunch--in freezing Winter, lines like this one, that are Growing in America today BTW,

the hilarious thing is the Chosen ones say, Why Communism, it was Bread lines, why the Way of the Chosen, the Trickle Down, is fair and just....it's GOD's Way, their 'god', funny I wonder DID they  talk to the same Jesus that so many of Those people and Ho's talked to?  Those who in the Dream oh yea baby--stand in BREAD LINES.....lol, OH THE OPIATE, BABY TAKE A HIT---IT FEELS REAL GOOD,

For them, if they can just Hang on, ONE MORE DAMN DAY...

while some who WE know at those Missions Downtown, in the Rural Poor areas and in the Barrio and in the Ghetto, they  ain't Jesus, many of them are just Pulpit Pimps but hey WE don't care cuzz IT'S BETTER DAN NOTHING, we are GRATEFUL AND BESIDES, THOSE PIMPS JUST BROKEN POOR LIKE US....they just trying to GET by like the rest of us drags and drag queens and whores and unemployed and old...poor

So I deal with the COGNITIVE DISSONANCE between So many worlds because I've traveled in several--not with Any wealth of my own except for a brief time when my daddy died and so I got to move up a notch or two then--but you see with Child with No father that didn't last long--no child support coming in and starting out Way too old--too late, you see even WITH an education that Whore life and that Street Life don't just LEAVE YA you know---it stays on the resume

and the CHOSEN know it--they can smell it, even without mention of, don't ask me how but they KNOW it--maybe it's in the Lines in our Faces, 

maybe it's the calls to the babysitter saying Please don't quit can't you Wait for that boyfriend, that drug fix...I needs this job...

so we wind up with the men Again--moving up a notch or too, it Ain't about Love baby, it's about 
SURVIVAL

so What your GOD and JESUS gonna do for me there?  They tell us to Submit, to Spread as IF we fucking don't know HOW TO DO THAT ALREADY

fucking assholes

THEY TRAINING US TO BE 'SERVANTS' TO BE 'DOCILE' TO BE GOOD GIRLS

IN OTHER WORDS,

FUCK GOOD BITCH

IT WILL PAY YOUR WAY...

yea don't like that kind of language, too bad, boo hoo, Welcome to MY WORLD

because the TRUTH is, for Women, don't matter if you are in rags and screwing in the back alley or in some Loft somewhere in a nice satin sheet bed

it's all the same, to Them

we are HOS AND WHORES.

So maybe, it ain't COGNITIVE DISSONANCE AFTER ALL--MAYBE IT'S JUST THAT

WE SEE THE WORLD FOR WHAT THE WORLD REALLY IS...

OUR WORLD



Oh, one thing I do have in common, many of us HO's with Eminem, LOL, we's WHITE too,

yea, that whole it's only Color that is poor, is total 

BULLSHIT....

oh yea--I just Had to say that one...and no WE ain't no MINORITY POOR EITHER--THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF US...THOUSANDS.  WE MIGHT EVEN BE IN YOUR RICH --MIDDLE CLASS CHURCHES, YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW US CUZZ YOU SEE WE LEARNED HOW TO ACT, HOW TO DRESS THE PART,

THOSE 'WHITE CHOSEN' TAUGHT US WELL--IN THE SCHOOLS, ON THE STREETS, WE KNOW THE GAME, WE KNOW...WE ALSO KNOW WHEN THEY FIND OUT WE POOR WHITE TRASH JUST HOW EASY THEY TURN THEIR BACKS,

IN SHAME AND DISGUST CUZZ YOU SEE WE ESPECIALLY US 'HOs' DO THE UTMOST DAMAGE TO THE 'MYTHS AND LIES' OF SUPERIORITY 

WE EXPOSE THEIR BETRAYALS, THEIR LIES, THEIR HYPOCRISY 

JUST BY WHO

WE

ARE...

SHAME AIN'T IT?


http://whitelocust.wordpress.com/2009/04/19/is-demographics-destiny-for-america/  
http://www.bvwellness.com/2010/07/20/race-still-matters-race-poverty-and-aids-in-black-america/  
http://students.stlawu.edu/theweave/index.php?option=com_myblog&category=the+poverty+report&Itemid=32  
http://www.flickr.com/photos/stevendepolo/3532199679/ 
http://nancyloo.net/tag/fox-chicago/page/2/  [food bank line, Indiana]