Thousands of children are tortured and raped repeatedly in private run juvenile prisons...let's keep this in mind.


Women, need to realize, that the fastest growing population of the Prison SEX RAPE SLAVERY businesses is in fact, WOMEN. That includes, WOMEN JAILED FOR SELF DEFENSE WHICH IN THIS NATION, SISTER, WE DON'T HAVE A RIGHT TOO, we are not MEN nor ANIMAL, women get 50 to Life for Self Defense, against rape, abuse, repeated abuse and torture. Even for not dying while getting beat near to death, a man can kill or torture a child, and the WOMAN-MOTHER will be the one who gets the longer time in prison [if he even gets charged], AND IF the woman gets sentenced with mental health--she can expect to be Lobotomized by force.




Lipstick, to Wear or Not to Wear, dat is The Question!  Ha, think you know where this is going, hmmmm, we'll see....[long post but much info, part of series I may do later]-

I was going to post strictly on Nature this weekend, and well, change of plans, well, Sort of,
while checking de blog this morning, Ball dropped in and said hi, and something about lipstick, which was funny because Yesterday I brought up the object of lipstick in one of my replies on deconstructing females and how we deconstruct ourselves to death, which Further plays into the power of Patriarchy--in other words, it's NOT in the confronting constructs that is in itself what I oppose, but HOW we've gone about a lot OF that deconstructing, in that we've done what a lot of the puritanical Misogynist religions have done--hacked away at ourselves To rebel against the misogynist fashion driven consumerist society in the West.  Allow me to clarify, some by sharing with you a different lens at looking at This issue, and how I came to resolved it and continue to do so, in other words, Define for myself...

I've had to walk the line between extreme constructs from both poles, to the ultra religious-occult extremes due to the RA abuse as a child, to the extreme hate of anything feminine from the abuse of the hands of my own mother who also was victimized by RA, which is ritual abuse.  Then in Rebelling against that abuse later I went to the OTHER extreme in trying to conform to the ultra feminine through religion-submission opposed to occult and Then to the other extreme to the radical anti-feminine/anti-religion to Marxist Dogma...I've been on just about every pole and psychologically deconstructed and constructed and impaled my soul on just about Every angle there is, and it is Because of this, that I think I have some what of an Odd view on many of the very subjects that Feminists debate over...and How I learned to finally come to terms, with Dumping All those damn 'conform to this, that, from every plastered image out there' and decide for myself, what I liked, and wanted--

What I didn't expect, was how that it was through a whole Other subject, that I would find how to Do this--and that subject is btw, or was the Focus of this blog when I began it, and that was, Textiles, and the exploitation of textiles, of both women, labor and the Environment.!!!  See by this time I wasn't even bothering to worry or concern myself with numerous things such as do I wear make up or not because one, at my age, ninety percent of the chemical laden shit is like a practice dose of radiation poisoning and I long lost my obsession with not only Conforming to Anything or Anyone but to beauty as well.  What I didn't realize at the time however was just how those same beauty constructs had spilled over or filtered over into numerous Other aspects of my life and Core of my Self.  When I began to re-deconstruct my faith in God after coming Back to Christ, and when I dumped the traditional doctrine of Bible and began to search OUTSIDE the box so to speak, because one, after years of being away from religion I couldn't reconcile my evolution with the ultra extreme cultist crap that in my opinion has exploded within religion, that and well, I simply couldn't wrap my mind around the Western beliefs anymore--and I began to look elsewhere, of course for those of you who have read my blog through out the entire time know what a trial that was, those two years when all the 45 + something years of Living for Others and Other ideals and bending to fascism on All fronts, what it did to me, leaving me with nothing more than a shattered mirror soul with billions of pieces, and how it was in Nature, and Ancient spiritual beliefs, that God began to work--setting me free from so much of Man's bullshit--patriarchy And otherwise, including yes, numerous constructs and fascist shit that I had taken from other Women--beginning with my own Mother and the Venus cult.

 for many she is the image of love and beauty, for me, in RA or Ritual Abuse, she is the very image of HELL, and I do not say that lightly, this image was the Nightmare Terror all through my childhood, it wasn't until one day God said, read about her and Psyche and you'll understand, why she is favored in RA and Occults, and also why RA is also been heavily tied into Psychiatric Abuses, especially of Women.  

Maybe it was having suffered the misery of RA in both Christian religion and in the Occult [Roman goddess and Egyptian influenced beliefs through secret societies] mixed with the Government influence in my family along with the criminal element that I through the years would see just how fucked up fascist Conformity is, that being so emptied by Others via Force, learning self hate at a Very young age so that Altars can control you, learning forced dependence, FEAR, loathing and intimidation, hunger, darkness, and then Adding  to that later a warped Hate and Violence as The surge of power to overthrow those very dark forces, through more emotional detachment, self hate and loathing, all of course with a nice touch of misogynist poison.  It was in my years of heavy duty communism that I would begin to unravel the mystery of why extreme fascist deconstruct, particularly of Gender, is really no different from the forced feminine constructs of patriarchal religion, it's the same father icon, just using different means to an end, all in all that End is, erasing the female and becoming a MAN.

Anyway, so yesterday while explaining to a woman about why I didn't go along with the other extreme, I shared with her a bit about growing up under my mother and the psychological abuse [though I didn't go into all the sexual abuse, physical, etc] but well, one of the Many numerous ways I was broken down and almost completely Destroyed growing up, was in fact being forced to hate anything remotely Feminine...and that was I need to add for dispelling Myths out there floating around, under the influence of not just puritanical religion [from Her childhood] but from the other extreme, the occult, Venus cults and die hard deconstructionism anti-feminine values that somehow my mother seemed to have a bit warped--she wasn't feminine, Most of the time, there were a few times she would  go through these periods and wear make up, dress up, etc., but those times were few, very few, and I'm not sure if that was due to the pressure of other women or far as how she acted, that never changed, regardless,

she was always angry, cruel, cold, distant and of course she never let up, on just how much she literally hated me.  Not only did she hate me, she brutally assaulted me in every way, including my sexuality.  If I wore perfume that got me slapped, hard, called a French whore, if I wore make up I was a whore so I hid it at the school, I was 14 at the time,  I was constantly reminded that my breasts were forming and that all men would want me for is a 'piece of ass' and I of course being the whore at 4, 6, 9, 11, 12, 14, years of age would hair was deliberately cut from very young age when she Wasn't pulling it out, in such horrid cuts that most thought I was a boy--and she deliberately did All in her power to Make me look like a boy...if I cried  I was screamed at for being weak and told to shut up and Not look at her in that way because you see She knew my thoughts too, never was I ever allowed to speak, even THINK in opposition to her, EVER, I grew up Sleeping in the same room with her so she could watch my Every move, it was nothing to her to monitor my every move including while I was in the shower, she Always had access, to me, my body, to my person and to my mind.

 Yes, this shit is Real, and Yes, I've seen the hooded ones, I just don't remember All of it, but these Societies/Occults Do Exist, always have, since B.C., and in Numerous churches, churches are the perfect cover, kid yourself not--especially in the Bible Belt where my insane family moved us after leaving D.C.

I was made to feel horrible for being a Female, for being a girl, I was publicly, all the time, told in front of others that I was a whore, that my nipples stood out in the cold, that She picked out my bra [and she did, before I even Needed one],  other than the molestations when I was a virgin [excluding being violated/molested, meaning not touched by a man in relationship] I was told all the time in front of others what a Whore I was--including all her friends, male friends included.  By the time I was 12 I had a reputation of being a white trash whore in the small town I grew up in, sad to say, with a lot of help from my very own Mother.  Yea hail to Venus sure enough, 14 and first boy shows interest and that is Exactly what I did,

I became the Perfect Whore.  Not at first, that wouldn't come until I was 16 after running away from the sick insanity, living in an orphanage when mommy dearest tried That little experiment to add to my 'training' and well, what can I the time I was 16 I was ripe and ready, to be Anything a man wanted--Venus had succeeded.  30+ something years later I had been through so many men, raped, beaten, lost a child, homeless, living on streets, selling my body for a dime Literally, more homelessness, mental illness, etc., always knowing, I was the Whore, and to then, Deconstruct myself out of that, I began to do the Opposite, begin to KILL anything remotely feminine in side myself, because you see I had played Into all those patriarchal feminine roles, therefore, SHE had to die.  And die she did--I went the other extreme, to shunning make up, beauty, wearing combat boots, cursing like a sailor, self harm, self hunger, you name it I did it...why I was going to be the Ultra extreme man woman.  Pick up guns, Chi with PMS is what I used to term myself, I knew Lenin and Marxist theory as good as any man and I could take his sorry ass down Just as well as any man...

so I thought, for years I had transformed myself from the Monarch sex slave to the Caterpillar from Hell, until one day, when a man from the socialist party I was in wrote something about a man in the CP who was die hard Stalinist, who had raped his daughter repeatedly [she wrote memoir about it] and the men, my so called Comrades, along with the die hard Commie women, LAUGHED...they yes LAUGHED, while how Dare this bitch slam a long time admired communist, how Dare she take down the Struggle for the Class Warfare, who did she think she was spilling those secrets that to Them weren't that bad anyway, hey it's just sex and we don't put up with those puritanical religious taboos now do we?  And besides, that shit has gone on since the beginning of time, Menz will be Menz, so the fuck what, it was dick, get over it.  And THAT was the attitude, displayed towards pedophilia, a child, girl, woman being raped, towards porn, towards Islamic Sharia Laws in which I had already been in combat with most in the parties Over, and That was THE LAST STRAW,  
What DID feels like, box and wheel or spiral in Mind, what one has to Put back together after RA.

I broke.  Floods of memories of all the horrid childhood abuses, from the forced hunger, being locked into dark rooms, the forced vomiting from poisons, the waking up with a tube down my throat as they were pumping my stomach out from drinking poisons at the age of 4-5? Because I was STARVING... the being sprawled out on cold freezing ice because I was forced to walk to school in D.C. [Washington] at 6 years old in a Blizzard and I fell on a busy street and couldn't get up due to the ice and I cried out for at least an hour or more Until a Postman rescued me--and when he walked me home to the ghetto and my mother in the third floor window comes out and says what the hell are YOU doing back here and one of the neighbors says, "Didn't you know, there was no school today", and the nights I remember seeing Venus huge on the wall and the FEAR and TERROR and the being naked under a sheet and the Goat hand smothering my face and the Horrible Fear I had of my father, numerous terror fragments that for Years would haunt me, that's Not including the sorcery and witchcraft my mother would get into Years later when I was in my teen years--that Venus statute always guarding the room in which I was forced to share with my mother...and that doesn't Even include the abuse from my Nana--with Isis, oh yes, the alcoholism, the insanity, the guilt for loving my brother who was horribly abused by my Nana, while she doted on me and of course the power struggles between my Nana and Mother, me pulled away from my Father whom I feared as well as loved, whom I knew did love me...and looking back realizing How much of that FEAR was due to stories my Mother told me, not from what I remember...

though HOW much he was a part in all of it I have no idea...he was in the secret society, that I DO know, hard when you have huge holes in memory and Secrets in family with packs of Lies/Cover Ups, and I probably will never know--just what All really went on.  But I know his family, who all work for the government, treated me and my brother like we were disposed Trash--Sacrifices, that would be enough, to convince me, we were better off Away from all of that, that doesn't include the criminal side of my Nana's family,
which I would find later, was in bed with the very government my father's side was--bookies and Senators, yea, wonder my uncle was psychotic and would kill himself this past year, I know it's related.  Even with the lung cancer--I know it was,

Dedicated to my Uncle

because I had to deal with the same psychosis break-- just not to the same degree---Except for me you see like putting on Make Up, I had to take Off that Make Up bit by bit and try and Piece all this shit together to Understand Why I was getting the nightmares and What they meant and Why certain patterns of things and people Always in my life AND in my Family from Mormons to JWs and Occult members and Religious Extremists, and the Political Extremism all wrapped up in one nice little fucked up package...WHY, was it just me, was I just crazy OR was there something else going on?  And God works in funny ways because it was through all the activism here and there, especially in labor/textiles and women's rights which I know was partly due to something deep inside of me needing to Avoid the detachment and DID, to SURVIVE the trauma of growing up, all those years I had conformed, being the Freak I was with the fucked up hair and forced to wear clothes that often were Boys' or Men's [yes my mother forced me to wear men's mechanic pants, those dark blue ones to Junior High School, and I grew up being called whore or dyke, talk about a screwed up Self Identity], nightmares of me and a big white cup with Two leprechauns pulling a string, you know it's screwed up when you Understand the Kerli video, because This was my Childhood,  because in some form [I don't know HOW extreme] I lived it...for some reason however, I think Due to the fact my mother left my father when I was six, that is the Only thing that saved me...well, sort of, so I understand this video and message more than I would like too--WARNING, WILL TRIGGER IF YOU ARE SURVIVOR OF RA--WALKING ON AIR BY KERLI only posting the link--this is the perfect example [and I to believe somehow connected with a lot of the Monarch programming going on that yes I know many think is crazy to believe such but for those of us who have survived the occult in any form WE know what is real...and this IS how child ritual abuse works--but Due to Triggers I am only posting the link, and including this video for research for those interested Only--Which BTW, she grew up in Totalitarian Communism, Yes there ARE strong correlations, if you know anything about RA/BDSM techniques used in mind control via State, through psychiatric especially on Children, social engineering used both in Nazi Germany and in Former Soviet nations, FACT, as well as in totalitarian Fascist theocratic nations, why RA and Totalitarianism use the same methods, for Mind Control over subjects or Monarch Slaves--including creating Sex Slaves out of Women, another FACT]

For me however this video in a screwed up way back in the day when I was piecing Al this together Helped me, because it helped me to Believe and NOT think I was crazy, that the memories I couldn't deny weren't just some was also through this that I met others, with similar experiences and learned that Yes, this crap goes on, RA is not just a Myth, it happens, more than many want to admit, Satanist Ritual Abuse happens people.  It's all in the Porn and BDSM culture, and IN most churches.  

Now, as to What saved me or began to Pull me out from the clutches of the dark goddesses and the mind bats [yes I even had visions when I began to unravel the Altars of bats] was in fact, the years of slowly deconstructing the patriarchal feminine constructs, years of reading Radical Feminist blogs--like I said, God works in mysterious ways, and then coming back away from that Because the one thing, like with the Stalinist's, was the refusal by many to Accept that yes Women can be Evil--I knew what it was to suffer horrid abuse by a Woman, I did not give a Fuck if it was patriarchal or not, I grew up hating her and loving her and hating's horrible to hear that no women don't rape other women, when YOU yourself have been raped by one.  And then to be told it's 'not as bad' when you're trying to avoid committing Suicide from it--you see I've known it from both, men and women, so...yea, Evil doesn't respect Gender folks.  Hate to burst the ole women are angels men are demons bubble, because That is what it is and when you're on the Receiving end of torture, rape, abuse, YOU DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT GENDER, YOU WANT THE ABUSE TO STOP.

So, while doing textile research and sitting alone with Nature, when I met the TRUE GOD, in NATURE, and began to slowly Hear Her, and Him, to begin to slowly See this whole other world...and Heal,  

HEAL, I began to see a whole other view of Gender.  Not from human constructs, but from Nature, and that's when I began to read up eventually on Native Indian beliefs and other indigenous beliefs and studying more about herbals and plants and survivalist living on land and in harmony with Mother Earth.  My world changed, most of all, I changed...and am still changing, God began to show me Wisdom through many things in Nature, things I didn't see in churches or in man's Dogma, by this time I was fed up with Christianity, though I would still read the Bible--OT, and I began to see numerous Nature references in the Bible that are usually just skimmed over--that's when I would slowly learn that the Bible was Allegory, not to be taken Literally.  It was written in a far older time by people who understood God in Nature, what is deemed as Pagan today is so way off it's not even funny,

majority of paganism today is nothing more than the Occult, aka Egyptian and Babylonian religions.  Or better term, Mesopotamian because that is where they all came from, other than Mayan and Olmec, etc.,  and yet somehow something always got screwy, man became a wanna be 'god' and women became to be defined by hatred of the female--for the sole purpose of slavery and use by men.  And the thing is, it's filtered down in Every aspect of our cultural one form or another, including in gender constructs.  And that's what I want to delve into next...

in that while I was being healed in Nature and seeing through a whole other lens I began to be ReBorn, yes a type of New Birth but for me you see this was a being Re-Born as a female inside the
Womb of Nature...not religion, and I began to see Gender, from a whole other perspective.  No longer did I have to try to 'conform' or 'mold' this empty vessel that Altars put there by numerous horrid rituals of abuse had Put there inside of me, nor of some 'false Christ' that Religion put inside of me, but I began to learn who God was and She/He began to Show me, who I was in my natural Creation, meaning, what I was created to be--and I'm still going through this but when this woman mentioned LIPSTICK yesterday and then again today Another woman mentions LIPSTICK then I knew, I had to write about this--because you see one of the first things that me and God did, through my time sitting with Nature was look at the use of garments, clothes, how in Textiles so much of nature has been destroyed through the mis-use of land, wasting water resources [growing cotton] and slavery that has always been part of the Cotton industry [see my posts on side bar on cotton, slavery, water--which Ironically, my Nana worked Cotton fields in S. Carolina in the day before she married my bookie Italian Grandfather--to give you bit of clue there,  and it was Black Lung Disease that Killed her] and so that was in one area Then in dyes, how they use poisonous dyes and children use slave labor, for Textiles, that was what and HOW this blog started, was over the CPSIA laws and organics in textiles because one Good thing my Nana taught me was embroidery, which is a long cultural Woman art in of itself.  [men have done embroidery too but it's how machinery stole So much women's space and culture in embroidery all over the world, including Stalin's purge of Ukrainian women centered embroidery/folk through Genocide] but anyway,

 Dragonfly Wing, be sure to check out his photo blog, Awesome Nature Photos--chose this photo because dragonflies, was one of the insects used to show me the delicate nature of the wing, like a window, also the stained glass look, like our Soul, that Can be put back together, though once fragmented and healed, quite Beautiful as well as Free to Fly.

so like God all that time was piecing all those Fragments from the RA together, piecing my Soul back together...and part of that was also in dealing with my self image, the years of either strapping on loads of cosmetics OR the years I did all in my power to look male, or hating on myself, on both extremes,

and then, by accident, I found an article on the destruction of forests in Asia due to some kind of petroleum product for cosmetics, I believe lipstick.  By this time I had read Isaiah where God speaks about women, complacent women using coal for their eyes and lotions and berries, etc., well anyway it goes through a LOT of intimate detail on all the beauty rituals women back then in B.C. took part in, not just women either, Men too, that is what that sackcloth and ashes means, is in stripping away all the comforts Taken out of the Earth and repenting for the exploitation, idolatry and living in luxury/comfort while the poor starve, etc., NOT that the ointments in of themselves were bad, they were Nature's Gift to us, it was in How they are exploited, used, to create some perfect model image while at the same time disregarding the very Earth they are made from AND treating God's creation, Humans like crap.  

Mother Earth gave us cosmetics, but NOT the kind we see in the stores over counters and NOT for the reasons we use them--no, Nature gave us berries to embrace the vivid colors of the food She gives us,

to celebrate her Many Vivid colors that SHE herself adorns herself AND her children with, her Daughters, remember something Jesus said, about do not worry about clothes, but consider the Lilies of the fields, how God clothes them, etc., well you know berries IS in fact one of the organic dyes used to dye fabric, in textile art used today by many Embroidery artist.  And in the ancient days Berries were used for Lipstick...such as Pomegranates,  also written in detail a lot in ancient texts such as the OT in Bible,

Which is also used as an organic natural dye for of the beliefs, strong beliefs of the Native Indians is that you don't waste what you use from Nature and you ONLY use what you need.  

 photo,  Yekuana Indians, see:

In ancient times, not only were berries, flower extracts and herbals used for ointments, they were used for dyes, including for make up, for the expression of spiritual beliefs, including for women, NOT for some PATRIARCHAL CONSTRUCT (exploding via Consumerist Capitalist Constructs] ON WHAT 'FEMININITY' is, but for the expression of the spiritual or even the paying tribute to the animal guides they believed in, or the harvest celebrations or even for warfare, etc.  The use of cosmetics we know of comes from the origin of Class Society actually, from what I've been able to gather, the what separated the nobles who Had the luxury due to the Fact that like land, in Mesopotamia, herbals and SPICES [remember the SPICE TRADE AND WARS AS RESULT OF], became also monopolized under Hierarchical Power, and it was through the use of these that separated the Nobles and 'gods/goddess' representatives from the common SLAVE MASSES.  Interesting background, on that one,  

herbals and flower essences and oils weren't just for appearances, they were used in healing, brewing and cooking.  As well for cosmetic purposes, which in many countries [and still is] is for expressing a form of ART, such as in Henna Art,

Click on this photo and read the story about this little Creature, I chose it because of the brown hues, also like in the Henna photo above.  Also the story behind henna interesting and rich history in of itself--

So, OK so like, I'm seeing all these different things in Nature, about beauty, diversity, as well as Where these products or what we term as cosmetics comes from, the development of them and like with anything else, got warped in the hierarchy of Power, Abuse and Control, including forming Constructs to 'mold' folks into a Box, one way or another...another type of Mind Control.  And like the fragments of my mind being put back together slowly through out this time I began to see other fragments of things I had picked up along the way, all those years in trying to Conform to that person's idea or this person and how screwed up it all made me,

including using make up, because you see the way cosmetics are used today is NOT to celebrate rituals or things of Nature, but to further Disconnect ourselves from nature and mold ourselves into this plastic image of whatever Ideal that someone else in Power has put out there--and That includes, the anti-feminine image Just as much as the feminine image.  When both images are a result of human ideals, that are Disconnected from Nature, we begin to move into something that is unnatural.  Nature herself gives us dyes, ever eat a blueberry and see what color your lips turn to?  Yes, a nice shade of stark blue, pomegranates, same way...except a dark red-wine color, grapes, spices, various vegetables all have types of dyes in them that do and can color our skin, and Maybe that was Mother Nature's way of playing with her Children, her bit of humor, 

that seems to have been lost on us in our disconnect and then our attempting to RE-DO what Mother Nature already has, by molding ourselves into some plastic Sumer looking clay barbie, hands held always in prayer and submission [ever notice that], eyes huge like the Anime look today, always with that Fear Awe look, as if we walk around with that look all the time--

and then let's not forget, the musk oil from deer and other animal testicles [Artemis] that IF in respect to Nature should have never become some sick sport for the rich...

ointments that yes were used for oils and perfumes because of the lack of Water, but also used for ointments to heal, antibiotics due to insect bites, etc., which are Still respected in many parts of the world today for what they were Intended for

 spices for balms, lotions, healing, medicines, yes cosmetics for color as well as healing properties which was What they were intended for, diet, moods and emotional healing, and spiritual meaning--there was a time when the bounty of Nature was highly respected and not to be taken Lightly, they were GIFTS, from our Mother God.  They were to be shared, in alms, used to heal and uplift, not to Tear Down, to Break Apart, to Dismember or to  Fragment...

it Isn't that we need to stop constructs by De-constructing ourselves as Women, no, it's that we Need to stop Deconstructing what Nature gave us, what Nature is, and begin to RECONNECT, TO OUR FEMININE IN NATURE,

BY CONNECTING BACK TO NATURE, not the other way around.

You see when I began to see the spiritual and Life Forces in nature including in herbs because it was in herbal remedies that a lot of my mental healing Did begin, such as Her telling me to eat a fruit off of a tree I knew little about, Red Sumac, to find later I wasn't just being crazy but that This tree is a Sacred Tree to the Native Indians both for it's medicinal properties as well as it's used for natural dye, and yes it does leave a nice pretty reddish lip stain--I eat the berries because they taste good [you get use to the fuzz] and they are Good for you.  For some reason they help me emotionally--but so does Juniper, another native plant [juniper berries] in my region that God, She told me to start using...also Sacred to Native Indian beliefs, anyhow,

one warning, Don't use or eat White sumac, learn the difference, white sumac IS poisonous and before using Any herb, learn about them and Learn what is what--and what Parts of the plant, tree are safe to use, etc., same goes with spices, in photo above is Tumeric [yellow], not good if you are prone to stomach ulcers, but anyway,

my Point being, for me, the thing about cosmetics, LIPSTICK, to use or not to use, really was more about learning about What they were made from or where the chemicals are pulled from, and it's impact on either nature OR on my body, not that it's anti-feminist to wear it or not--for years I loved wearing lipstick, one it was the ultimate defiance of being controlled by my mother, two it was one of the first memories of Kindness I remember, when my Nana hugged me and I could smell her lipstick and powder, yea know that's weird, in spite of all the insanity and abuse I grew up with, there was kindness, my Nana though horrible as it was with the drinking and power struggles and her hate of my brother because he was male--and the guilt that left on me for loving him--yea they screwed both of us up, by they I mean not only them but the religion that was a huge part of creating their mental crap as well as Re-enforcing and Supporting it and same with the other forces at work through out the generations of my messed up family, there Was some kind fragments left, that being one of them--I still remember the smell today and I still love the smell of yes old time face powder [cover girl I think] and lipstick,

because you see for me, that small six year old girl with a huge bald spot in the back of her head from the hunger [oh yes, and Don't ask me why Child Protective Patriarchal Services didn't rescue me then, I have no fucking idea--there were Plenty of hospital records--in D.C., that and well, don't Even get me started on the orphanage and what I know of the foster system--they are Not kidding when they say Illuminati, not by a long shot, but Anyway,

yes I had with that short crappy Egyptian boy hair cut, a huge bald spot on the back of my head, all the way through first grade, and I remember that smell when she hugged me--first Hug I remember actually, no, take that back, one from a teacher in kindergarten back in D.C., those were the two I remember--

so you see when I read feminists go off on 'one can't be feminist when they wear lipstick' a couple of things happen, one it Triggers, in a Huge way, I see my Mother, and I want to go run in the bathroom and plaster as much red shit on my mouth as I can, and hell I barely wear the stuff anymore because you know I'm an old crone now and my lips are Barely there anyhow--most of it gets on my face and dries my lips out worse than they already are but the fact is, there is just something about that type of deconstruct that just gets me BUT at the same time--ah, thought I'd end it there didn't ya?  Ha,

at the same time, I think of All the years I wasted how much money buying that waxy shit that tasted horrible and that did in no way Magically transform me into that model on the magazine page--and all the years of self hate Because I didn't look like the pretty dainty blonde petite, oh no, and then the age thing, Geesh--talk about being a divided marionette, from the Both sides of screwed up Misogyny,

a two faced clown doll I was, it's no wonder I fought suicide for Years!  So anyway, here's my thing--I yes like pretty colors, I like fun packages, I just don't Buy the stuff anymore because one, it's not environmental friendly NOR natural--I looked before I wrote this blog to see what natural products they have out there--talk about a Hijack corporate market, sad, and still modeling after the non-natural beauty and products, I see [been out of that whole loop now for years] and so couldn't use any of those photos, most of my cosmetics I either trashed or gave to my daughters who later trashed or they wound up on the floor or who knows--what little I own, still I rarely use, though occasionally when I'm taking my morning ritual bathroom dump I'll grab a tube and play with it,  LOL, good way to measure just how dark my teeth have become with the teas and those spices, ROFL, and well, just for the fricking hell of it.

I guess, the one thing one learns in old age, is just how many hang ups we accumulate in trying to conform to all this crap society throws at us--I have plenty of wrinkles and botox be damned, why the Hell do I want to poison myself with Botulism anyway?????  I damn it Earned those wrinkles and I am wearing them and that's That!  I Like wearing miss-matched clothes that are comfortable, my hair a mess when I don't feel like combing it, which I may very well grow out again if I can get it past the split end stage, who knows--I'm thinking dreads, except don't know about all that itching, I like wearing miss matched socks that Show with flood pants and Walking to Walgreens and not having to CARE about what MENZ think,

being Old Rocks.  It really does--I can dress like a child and GET BY WITH IT, because I don't CARE ANYMORE...I can smear blueberries on my lips and eat orange popcyles and wear dragonfly blue eyeshadow IF I so choose--and then wear neon pink smocks with big purple flowers, All at the Same damn time--Just like a WILD GARDEN, 

and it seems that Mother Nature, God,  Agrees with me, on my Fashion Likes!

So Ha!

and the birds love it, my kids just kind of walk ten steps behind me, LOL but oh well] so do the butterflies, my yard is Full of them, every spring and summer and I love it.  I love celebrating with Nature all the beautiful eccentric diverse colors she has and SHE isn't ashamed, of being FEMININE, why she has more jewels of colored insects than I've seen in any jewelry box and the thing is you see, SHE doesn't rape or pillage the Earth, herself to Get them
 just Some of her jewels SHE wears, check them out

--SHE doesn't have to Deconstruct her self or mold herself into ANY MAN'S IMAGE, or any Woman's image for that fact.  SHE just is, you either take her or leave her...SHE won't be tamed nor controlled by any of her 'wanna be gods/goddess' children, NO way,

So, yea, She likes Pink too, in fact, though Pink isn't my lip color, I just might have to make some home-made pink berry ointment [herbal] for my lips, just to celebrate this spring though I want it to taste like berries because why wear it if it doesn't Taste good, 

So, depending on the Season, because I  learned to embrace my love and passion for Seasons, which I did do as a small child, also played with Locusts and clovers and picked lilacs, danced among the Elm trees and clapped my hands to lightening and thunder because you see when I was a small child, I always saw God in Nature, before I got older and Religion poisoned me belief in God which took years for Him/Her to restore to me, I took solace and love In nature because that was Who loved me, all those years, whether it was the hanging icicles in the snow time which I love Winter OR the monarch butterflies every Spring or the huge locusts and june-bugs which I loved and laughed so much with in the Summer or the tossing leaves I would chase in the Fall, you see for me and my brother, being outside was often forced OR was how we escaped the wrath of my Nana's drinking [which she did to deal with the lung pain from that Black lung disease, cotton farming which we would learn later and also how she I guess learned to cope with the crime side of things in our family] but anyway, it wasn't an Attic we hid in, but it was in open fields and sometimes way till dark, so it was no big thing to see God in Nature--

which during my healing journey I would learn by going back and reading up on where we grew up, was the land at one time of the Comanche Indians and I do think--yes there was some Strong Spiritual Correlation there--long story but well, so you see, the Feminine to me is what Nature has restored to me--that is very Very different from what Market forces say OR what deconstructionists tell us, and so, I shall strap on my loose pink flower dress [because they are so much more comfortable in Summer when it's hot and I can tie them up if need be--I don't bother with slips as I wear bike shorts under as well as socks and tennis shoes, maybe not even matched] because I dress for function as well as comfort and what matches the mood, Season, what I''m doing--yea Sometimes I may dress what is deemed normal, if I need to go business, rarely though and I do throw in those old time scarves which I collect because I don't believe in landfills, waste, Malls, --I recycle Everything, so I'll strap one of those one--Maybe, or maybe some holey sweat shorts, who knows,

and maybe a bit of hair bands or not, who knows, with a splash of orange, Why,

because the Next time, you think that Pink is just some feminine construct that means Weak, Passive, Remember something, the Mother Nature She in God that gives you This:

 yes those cute little dainty Pink Orchards, fragile though they may be, Let's remember, the Mother Nature Sacred Feminine God in Mother Earth can also 

Throw one Hell of a Punch in Fury, SHE don't mess around, Don't let HER pink LIPSTICK fool you, her gardens of mass flowers and jeweled insects, and when SHE gets fed up with Patriarchy and Misogyny and Mankind killing her female children, her male children, fed up with the rape and pillaging and mass consumption and Waste, SHE in GOD is NO RESPECTER OF PERSONS,



  Strength does not come through being Masculine, nor Assimilating into Masculine, those are Masculine ideas, that have created slavery, brutality, hate and war...

We free ourselves, not by adopting the male pantheon's idea of what women are, nor by the monotheist patriarchal misogynist ideal of what women are--We free ourselves by Reconnecting to our Power in the Feminine that Nature, Herself Gave to us, embracing All sides to her,

and learning, finally, to Embrace our own unique Self.

Made in Her-His image.




Ball said...

Oooh Jane this is a really good post. May I link to it in an upcoming blog post of mine?

Hope you are having a good weekend. <3

JaneDoeThreads said...

Hi, yes you may. I am working on another one today, a bit different, two series, well maybe a mix mash of things. Loved your write up on 'leftovers', been thinking on that a lot.