Why I am Leaving the Egalitarian and Christian Hives and Agreeing more with many women of the Ex Quiverfull

Not sure how to write this, but I'll try to do my best to explain....Why I am Leaving, walking away, from the egalitarian hives, the Christian hives [esp them, culture, church, the whole shabang] and seeing more and more why so many Women turn to Goddess beliefs or Agnosticism. [understanding from the soul-spirit damage that the maintaining of the house causes, to hold onto destructive beliefs, etc]

NOT turning away from individuals, per se, but from the Collective GROUP THINK DOGMA, including yes, the more Positive side of DOGMA, [the friendly one, but that really is just trying to save the overall HOUSE] because it is what it is, just another type of 'controls' over WOMEN, addressing 'wrongs' but doing ALL IN THEIR POWER TO MAINTAIN THE FALLING DOWN 'HOUSE', A.K.A. THE CHURCH AND PATRIARCHAL 'SOCIETY' WITH ITS ENFORCEMENTS AND RULES AND SYSTEMS THAT OPPRESS, SUBJUGATE AND KILL THE SOULS, SPIRITS AND HEARTS OF WOMEN.

Last night, I was watching the movie "Reds", which triggered a lot of things, reminded me, of Why I left the Socialist Party I was in, Why I got OUT of communism, you see it Wasn't just my refusing to 'compromise' women's human rights, and this part, I sometimes Forget, but it was how, over time, the party became Centralist, Puritan, Dogmatic and Bureaucratic, run by a FEW, and controlled by them. Everything written became censured. I would write articles for the women's magazines and everything had to be approved by the Editor who was under the control of the tiny little Politburo. Anything that did not fall in line with the Party View, was discarded, and words, that I wrote, would be twisted, edited, to where I didn't recognize them as my own. What really angered me about this was how statistics, empirical evidence, and testimonies of countless women around the world, who suffer oppression, would be erased, because the goals of the Politburo [tiny as it was] were the 'god's dogma' that had to be Protected at All costs,

and so what, if they made mistakes that killed, so what if they worked with Allies who are All about slavery and oppression of women [Islamists], so what if they ran and mowed down women, children, VICTIMS, after all, they are COLLATERAL DAMAGE, and its history and the making of history [defined by MEN of course] and progress and materialism and building a New Society, That is what mattered,

female human beings, did NOT.

And as the party became more dogmatic the censorship got worse to where it wasn't only writing they censored, but ALL DISSENT,

and the party split, into several factions. And I would come to find, later after I left the party, that the 'controls' and 'development' of this puritanical THOUGHT CONTROL was being carried out but a FEW MEN, and the women TOKENS that obeyed and followed them, for Their ambition. So much for Feminism, so much for Women's Human Rights...why it was NOW, about POWER. To save what They thought, was a crumbling mass movement. Today that party is split, most of the old members are gone, into other faction parties and that is why in this country we have so many alternative parties. Somebody, always winds up, playing 'god'. And what is interesting, is how those 'gods' all, have no tears, for the bodies of women piled up to the sky...nor do they even flinch, when they wade through the pools of blood at their feet.

Of course its MORE complex then this simplistic explanation here [it would take a novel and I simply don't want to write one nor does it matter to me, I know what I saw and it wouldn't be the first time, I would see this trend]. I began to see [or better yet, take notice, recognize it] in other movements too, in feminism, liberalism, conservatism, hell even anarchism and libertarianism. Hive after Hive after Hive, and what was funny was that in the long run the females would be the ones thrown out....females that did not hold up the standard of the 'male thoughts' and this goes for feminism too, Marxist and Liberal, which has a lot of 'male doctrines defining what 'gender' is' at the core as well as women, but the 'definition of what is WORTHY HUMAN usually always centers around some type of male definition.

So I got into the other hive, Radical and women centered feminism, but then I would find that those movements have been taken over pretty much by lesbians, many whom in their agenda to 'deconstruct' patriarchy and gender seem to me, at least, to do away with anything remotely 'feminine' and go towards those things that have been the core of what men think makes MEN superior. Worse too was this belief, that men are inheritently EVIL by nature and women angelic beings, the whole Goddess thing, and that if Women did EVIL it was ONLY because the devil 'man' constructed them to do it,

well, having had grown up with an Evil female abuser, uh, I just didn't buy into that whole line of logic and frankly I didn't give a fuck whether a devil man made her into the horrible abuser she was, because when I looked into HER face, I saw HER, EVIL, NOT SOME MAN BEHIND HER. [for millions suffering Horribly around the world, from sex slaves to abused children hiding in closets to men huffing glue to escape the hell of poverty in Bangladesh or the person rotting away in solidarity somewhere with only their torturers, I don't think they give a rats ass about what constructs are anyway but to just have Somebody rescue them--male or female, it don't matter, evil is evil and that's that].

Not to say that there wasn't men or patriarchy or religion that didn't have a lot to Do with why she was screwed up and full of hate--but IS that really an excuse? No, I don't think it was or is, and so,

that kept coming up as a conflict and Any time I would mention it, I would see that CENSORSHIP happening ALL OVER AGAIN....

so, eventually out of that Hive I went.

So I jumped from hive [or maybe flew is better word] to hive to hive, and it was then I began to see similarities how the hives have either a king or queen and the rest are mere drones and worker bees, sacrificial lambs and well, dissent, simply was NOT tolerated. And I found that the worker bees, usually male or 'like male' didn't really leave room for those bees that were more well, uh, different.

So for a while I broke off by myself and worked alone, funny I did some of my best writing then, and it was then that I started reading the Bible again. Anyway to make a long story short--I find another hive, why it had all that I thought, I embraced, equal rights, women's rights, love, etc., and so I got in, and began to listen and to speak,

but Then I found, that a lot of things I did learn from All those Other hives would surface, and I began to question, [esp when questioning the whole rhetoric and the bullshit about 'love' --usually too, interestingly, leaning to romantic love, when in fact its obvious that there IS no love among them and/or in majority of so called Christian marriages] and at first the hive of Christians, were tolerant but then I noticed, that to Question, Especially to voice RAGE as a Woman, started to get me the very same results---but, what I didn't expect, was how more Sinister they were,

much like, the sinister methods used by the Communist and Socialists. [the latter its the same right or left, nationalist esp] And That, did shock me, but I rationalized it because the Bible, how I was reading it, was God was the Dictator, and we, were the worker bees.

But God was a nicer dictator, a dictator still who would burn up His enemies in eternal fire but to those under Him, He was nice too--as LONG AS YOU CONFORMED AND ESPECIALLY, IF YOU ARE

W.O.M.A.N. [you not only conform to God's rule you conform to every tom, dick and harry's rule too--pulpit pimps and madames for those Johns [husbands who bring in the $$$ to the temples, er, brothels, same damn thing--on macro level its economics and buying votes, if ya know what I mean, can't piss of the Patriarchy now]

And the thing is, with the whole Egalitarian, and what is I think, a tad deceptive about many of them, is that yes, they do address Abuses, within MARRIAGE, but when it comes to WOMEN questioning FEMALE CONTRUCTS OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE, EXCLUDING MINISTRY [because there you see, its again, Self Interests, but where women in patriarchal Society are concerned, that's different--you really see this where it concerns reproductive rights, rights to work, ECONOMIC RIGHTS ESP, don't dare touch anyone's pocketbook and well, its really, to Hell with women out there in world, esp the poor, unless of course its a Discussion 'topic' or something that will sell Books, profit, etc--in other words, like the middle class white feminist, challenge those constructs & systems that hurt their ambition, but leave the rest alone, wouldn't want to upset Privilege or anything, etc] The what I think, is more the Riding the backs of the miserable, using their misery [women] as fodder for preserving the culture as a whole, in other word, its a lot of them, not really about Helping women, but just addressing the abuses because you see, the women are leaving in droves---that effects culture AND is a real threat, to the whole hive--and hey, why not make a few bucks in the process]

THEN,

it was another ballgame altogether, and Not just questioning Gender Constructs [like beauty, or oh, to NOT be a Mother, to Reject marriage, or to be a Feminist that is more Radical, environmentalist, political...don't venture Too far, got to stay within a prescribed belief system that is true to the overall Doctrine of GOD] but to DARE question,

CAPITALISM, [OH ESPECIALLY CAPITALISM--GOT TO SAVE WESTERN IMPERIALISM] SOCIAL CONTROLS, HIERARCHY, SCIENCE, EDUCATION anything that is by far, the AGREED UPON DOCTRINE OF THE WHOLE, CHRISTIANITY, [CULTURE--WESTERN THAT IS] [oh, Islamists -- Nationalists, do the same damn thing btw, so do other dogmatic fanatics who kill/exile/subjugate, you preserve that core belief and spread that hegemony or else and dogma atheists-materialists do this shit too, lest we forget, how many Stalin butchered, to rid the world of believers/of God and so forth...one example there]

was to be a DEFECTOR...BUT WORSE, A 'ENEMY' OF THE GROUP.

In more ways than one...you could Question a little IF YOU AGREED WITH THEM...but DARE venture OUT of the box, dare to Dissent, to CHALLENGE THE STATUS QUO OF 'CULTURE',

to DARE QUESTION 'GOD'

well, then the methods began. And here is what I found, that is similar in ALL OF THE HIVES,

1. immediate deflection onto YOU the minute you voice hurt, rage, doubt [esp doubt] and truth about YOUR reality...if YOUR reality brings into Question the Validity of THEIR ARGUMENT, or, especially, if YOUR REALITY, brings into reflection that something is not just Wrong with the few symptoms of doctrine abuse by individuals BUT that something may be flawed within the BELIEF SYSTEM ITSELF. They immediately draw attention to others that YOU are in pain and that YOU need help and that YOU and YOUR reality[or the REALITY of other women, ESPECIALLY POOR AND WOMEN OF COLOR--don't bring those up because to do so is to question white euro-centric beliefs/constructs Including yes, Christianity 'American' Culture] is AN EXCEPTION TO THE RULE therefore leaving the others to Immediately disqualify what you say, as a lie. Therefore, why Question anything, because obviously nothing Wrong with the overall or core--and the status quo is PROTECTED, UNHARMED AND CAN GO ON.

2. fear tactics, these are a bit more cleverly used but they refer to something that is the higher authority [God, party ideology, what happens IF you don't adhere, focus on the Enemy as the problem and not the Whole], etc., that gets YOU to refocus on the 'other' or enemy immediately because to Challenge or have Doubts is after all, to show signs that you are a Traitor, or a potential Traitor [and that may be contagious after all] or a class enemy or not completely PURE.

3. love, oh That is a good one, probably the most deceptive of all, whether its Brethren or Comrade, or Child of God, [of course this will apply more to women than men, how they USE doctrines of love and promises to manipulate the Emotions so that you Willingly sacrifice your soul on the altar---the whole God loves you thing] but this is more than just the 'love bomb' that cults use--it is more the, it hurts us more than it hurts you type of thing...or the 'its for your own good' type of thing and of course, the God or 'gods' of course, always want what is best for you,
and if you don't take what is best for you

ITS OFF TO THE GULAG OR OFF TO HELL FIRE OR OFF TO THE GARBAGE DUMP OF SOCIETY OR WHATEVER...

4. Disassociation, the most clever and harmful of all...because it really, is nothing more, than being

EXILED.

First they EXILE your voice, then they EXILE your REALITY, then they EXILE your communications and Then, they EXILE YOU...

to get you, to return and denounce any Deviation from their 'course and train of thought' OR to, now get This,

to show OTHERS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DO NOT CONFORM AND BOW YOUR KNEE AND ALLOW YOUR INDIVIDUAL SELF AND SOUL AND THOUGHT--TO BE MOLDED INTO WHAT 'THEY SO DECLARE' ...

TERRORISM.

and what better form of terrorism than to use the FEAR of EXILE, REJECTION, DEMONIZATION AND HELL FIRE.

~~~~ so That got me to thinking and Questioning

EVERYTHING.

GOD, JESUS, RELIGION, CULTURE, MALE FEMALE POLITICS PHILOSOPHY YOU NAME IT, I BEGAN TO DOUBT--EVERY THING I HAVE LEARNED, ADHERED TOO, THOUGHT, BELIEVED...

and then I saw it....who the Hell am I?

and, I really, didn't KNOW, what I believed anymore or if I liked anything I believed anymore, especially God. Did I even Like God?

and then I knew, NO, I did NOT. And probably didn't for years,

how could anyone Like a God who says,

I demand you love me or else....

then all the memories of MEN like that, who said the same thing, Love me or else, here comes the fists, the rape, the parent with the Love me and it hurts me worse than you and you are to be destroyed and so in Love [when justifying to others] and Hate when telling me [and my brother] I will 'fix' you and MAKE YOU CONFORM, THINK WHAT I TELL YOU AND DO WHAT I TELL YOU BUT YOU WORSHIP ME...[maybe why I've always been able to SEE this pattern, not just abuse but mind controls and conformity, de-individualization]

and That got me to Really question...if Love is Love, then WHY DOES IT ALWAYS NEED FORCE? AND TERROR?

AND FORCED CONFORMITY? Especially for women and children?

Then I saw how All these Hives to the Same Exact Damn thing...whether they be of one ideology or another--its always, in the end, about Forcing CONFORMITY.

OR BE EXILED.

So then, That got me to thinking...and I started pondering on nature...and it dawned on me,

not Everything in nature lives in a Collective or a Hive. And while there is Strength and Protection in Hives/Collectives, the other thing about them, is that, their Strength, is often times, their Weakness,

and their Goal, is to always protect their House. From intruders, from weather, and ironically, you could say, from God Himself [natural disasters, etc]. But more, from other hives and collectives.

So I pondered that more and realized that many things in the animal and plant world do not thrive in Hives nor collectives, and the one that I then, saw, in my mind,

was the Eagle.

Why the Eagle, I don't know really but the Eagle, I saw soaring and flying high, higher than any bird, [at least in our hemisphere] and that represented one thing

FREEDOM.

The one thing that you will Never Have in Any HIVE, IS

FREEDOM.

Freedom of the soul, Freedom of the Spirit, Freedom of Thought, Freedom from Fear, Freedom from destruction and self destruction--

the Hives, thrive on ridding you of All Freedoms, except, of course, the Freedom to serve the Queen or King and to Sacrifice your Life to them...to rid of your self, to be a

DRONE BEE.

And then, I started questioning, was God, just an invention of Man to Legitiamize his rule of power over women, over others? And did all other 'gods' come from that one?

Goddess included?

And Ideology is also a God, communism simply was just and is just another Religion...make no mistake about it.

And then I questioned all the destruction to Life--the planet, animals, space [the pollution from all our satellites] and women, Especially women,

all under the belief that GOD said.

then, it came to me, when Jesus told the Pharisees that was it better on the Sabbath to save life, or to destroy life?
Then I saw it...

Spirit.

For years I followed this Jesus as a Person...because that is how He is always taught, the Personhood of Jesus, but Jesus didn't say, I am the Person,

He said, I am the Way, the Truth, the LIFE.

God, is Love, that is what John says,

not, take that Command again,

Thou shall Love God [or else]

Thou shall Love LOVE [or else, or else What? what is the Opposite of Love? HATE]

what is the opposite of Life? Death

Eternal Life, or Eternal Death?

The Spirit is like the Wind, no man knows whence it comes, Jesus said,

funny, how in our world today, bees are in danger of extinction, the Hives. Why is that?

because of Man, Humanity, that's why, because of the

HIVES, OF HUMANITY.

So, then, now its questioning, ok, what IS LOVE, really? What is Love? We know about the Cross and Jesus, but to be honest, I have not seen real Love among Christians, comps or egals [minus a few and I am not talking about the Manipulative love, which there IS A LOT OF THAT GOING AROUND to shut you up and conform you or else, type of thing] and sad, I saw more Love, among sinners and heathens and lefties and hell,

Wiccans, Wiccans have far more love for each other--in Action, than many Christians do, like, uh, yea...so

what IS Love? And I don't believe I'll ever see true Love, in a Hive...

So all this time, hanging out with Hives, I saw, that they really aren't that different, other than their 'god' beliefs, they aren't that different, and not once, did I ever, FLY or SOAR while being in one. Not Once,

nor, get this,

WAS I EVER, REALLY, LOVED WHILE BEING IN ONE.

Because you see, there IS no LOVE when there is Forced conformity, there simply can't be, all that is, is despotism, and Hate, that is all it is, and self-abnegation. In fact, to be a member of a HIVE you must, self-abnegate. [women this is Mandatory, especially]

But I never realized, that its not just Women--its the INDIVIDUAL WHO MUST ABNEGATE TO BE IN A HIVE...TILL EVENTUALLY,

THEY DIE.

And they don't come back, there Is no resurrection, they just lay there, DEAD.

And looking back, if they could, they HAD, NO LIFE EITHER because the HIVE CONSUMED ALL THE LIFE THEY HAD.

The Eagle takes care of her young, she Soars on the Winds, like the Spirit...she sees, for miles and miles away...

she is her OWN...FREE...

I am not sure, where is this leads, but this is what I have seen thus far...I also saw, how the Eagle often, is alone. Alone with only the sky and wind as her companions...

maybe, God?

I don't know, but what I do know is this, the nest of the Eagles, no man can make a nest that will Stand, against weather, like Eagles [and other birds] can...

the Hives houses are easily Destroyed.

the house of the Eagle, is not. Not only that, the Hives have a tendency to build their nests under the ground, or in some trees or under the eaves of homes,

not so with the Eagle--her's are often, on the ROCK.

So, what I learned, about the Egalitarian Hive, is that, while they may be addressing legit abuses, they are, after all, still working, to maintain the House in which, those abuses are occurring, and as long as they work to maintain the House, rather than just let it fall down [AND IT WILL FALL DOWN], as God shakes it from it's foundations,

they will Fall with it. Like Samson and the Philistines, when God destroys the house of Dagon, it All will come down...

and then, I knew.

I don't belong in hives...I don't like them, I find them suffocating and just as abusive as the lords and despots and horrible men and parents and collectives with their 'gulags', and ideologies with their eventual leading up to genocides...

no, I think, I prefer to be an Eagle, lonely as it is sometimes, but an Eagle nethertheless,

and just, listen to the winds...and learn there.

No conforming, no obeying, no fear, no exile [or maybe exile in a Good way because you can't hold down an Eagle unless you destroy her--remember what Jesus said, is it better to destroy life or to kill life, Satan comes only to steal, kill and destroy...]

and I'll build my nest on the Rock--and when the houses fall,

I'll watch with the other Eagles...

no longer, will I sacrifice and self-abnegate, to preserve a dying and falling house--sacrifice the lives of Women, to preserve a dying and falling house...

In solidarity,

Jane